dripping with passion

truth and dare

2012-01-28T00:19:00.001-08:00

speaking of wonderful words, i was recently made aware that once john steinbeck wrote a letter to his son about love. young thom told his pa that he thought he was in love, and here is how his father responded…

dear thom:
we had your letter this morning. i will answer it from my point of view.
first - if you are in love - that's a good thing - that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. don't let anyone make it small or light to you.
second - there are several kinds of love. one is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. this is the ugly and crippling kind. the other is an outpouring of everything good in you - of kindness, and consideration and respect - not only the social respect of manners but the greatest respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. the first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.
you say this is not puppy love. if you feel so deeply - of course it isn't puppy love.
but I don't think you were asking me what you feel. you know that better than anyone. what you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it - and that i can tell you.
glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.
the object of love is the best and most beautiful. try to live up to it.
if you love someone - there is no possible harm in saying so - only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.
girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.
it sometimes happens that what you feel inside is not returned for one reason or another - but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.
lastly, i know your feeling because i have it and i am glad you have it.
and don't worry about losing. if it is right, it happens - the main thing is not to hurry. nothing good gets away.
love,
fa

i absolutely love this, and i believe what mr. steinbeck wrote is true. true love is true. i just know it.

in addition to sharing this bit of truth tonight, i also want to issue a dare (you know, just to round things out, 8th grade style) to my blog readers. blog stats and analytics are quite fascinating. there are quite a few of you who drop by and see what i have to say or share. i have a sneaky feeling that you are a pretty neat group of people. but analytics only give me numbers, and quite honestly, i want to know a little about who is behind those numbers! people are so, so great.

so … i triple dog dare you to leave a comment on this post and tell me why you’re reading my little blog, or what your thoughts are on true love, or what steinbeck book i should read next, or what your favourite color is, or what makes you feel “dripping with passion.”

do you remember what happens to those kids who don’t follow through on their dare when playing “truth or dare”???

me, either. hmmmm. but just leave me a comment. i want to know a bit of who you are. because i think i like you.

2011: a year in books

2012-01-24T22:51:00.001-08:00

last january, i made a goal to read 25 books in 2011. weeeeell, i didn’t exactly make my goal. BUT i did read 15 books over the course of the year, which all delighted, inspired, entertained, moved and/or uplifted me in different ways. i have dog-eared so many pages in these magnificent volumes, and i wish i had a brain that allowed me to remember all the goodness in them. i sighed at luscious passages of gorgeous description, became engrossed in brilliant storytelling, laughed out loud many times and certainly shed a tear or two in the midst of these 15 books.

the power of the written word is a phenomenon of beauty that transcends this world. i love reading good books.

world’s best bike route?

2012-01-21T21:41:00.001-08:00

there is nothing quite like the classic golden gate bridge bike ride on a sunny saturday.

the adventure, which i’ve done quite a few times, always with a perma-smile, goes like this:
-rent bikes at sports basement at crissy field
-ooh and ahh at the views from the top of the hill
-bike across the iconic, gorgeous, fantastic, vermillion bridge, and stop at both of the towers to take it all in
-walk bikes under the bridge
-enjoy the views at vista point
-cruise down the thrilling hill into charming-beyond-charming sausalito
-eat something super yummy and walk along the harbor
-park bikes in the ferry and stand on deck while cutting through the bay past alcatraz and into the skyline
-delight in the ferry building and/or fishermans’s wharf
-bike past ghiradelli square, through a gorgeous park, fort mason, and the marina
-return bikes
-ask yourself: is this really my life?!

last weekend i took the excursion with a group of both new and old friends. and gosh, it was great.
it was such a nice warm day, and eric and i decided there was no good reason not to take a quick dip in the beautiful sausalito town square fountain.

i’ve been going up to the city every weekend since i moved to palo alto. i just can’t stay away. i’m worried i am keeping myself from what the peninsula has to offer. i have such a ginormous desire to embrace my new life, every bit, but i just can’t seem to find the energy! i’m learning about patience and process.

she truly is the best mom

2012-01-17T23:05:00.001-08:00

two days after i landed back in california and into a new life, my mom hopped over to the bay to provide some back-up. oh man oh man, she truly is the best. i was in the midst of life-change-shock and a weird housing situation, and my dear mother swooped in and took care of me. it meant the world to me to have her here. she helped me so much, and we had so much fun, and each night we knelt to pray together and i felt an overwhelming surge of incandescent, grateful love for my beyond fabulous mom.

a lot of mom’s visit revolved around food. as soon as i picked her up at the airport we headed straight for thai food and yogurtland in downtown palo alto. then the next morning we headed up to the city and i took her to batter bakery/square meals for brunch:

ever since the new shop opened (operating in addition to the kiosk where i worked, and in partnership with an amazing personal chef), i have been wanting to try brunch, and both mom and i were blown away with the yumminess. we sat in the window and in the sunshine and devoured. it was fun to show my mom where i worked, and for her to meet my old boss and try the cookies i sold with such zeal!

next we headed to the ferry building – aka foodie heaven. as usual, the sights and tastes delighted. we were stuffed but made some room for a plethora of samples.

there is nothing on earth like the ferry building on a sunny saturday. every time i am there i am hit in the face with how much i love it.

our next stop was the de young museum in golden gate park. i love museuming with my mom because she was the one to teach me so well the value of creativity and beauty. we went to the tower first to see the views. if you look really hard, you can see the tip-top of the golden gate bridge in the first photo below, and downtown san francisco skyscrapers in the second photo below.

we saw such exquisite pieces of art! i loved sharing the sensual and cognitive delight with my mom.

we grabbed an “it’s it” (san francisco’s trademark ice cream treat) for lunch and went to the botanical gardens, which i love. the weather was so perfect! our favourite part was the succulent garden, which was even more spectacular than i remembered!

and – baker beach at sunset. it just can’t be beat. i wish the iphone could have picked up better what a glorious sight it was. we sat on the sand and decided on a restaurant for dinner. we settled on fancy new american cuisine in russian hill and woah nelly it was delicious.

on sunday my mom came to church with me. it was such a joy to have her with me my first week in a new ward! afterwards, we went to palo alto foothills park, which is gorgeous and the perfectly clear, crisp weather gave way to stellar views! i looked around at my new home and felt good.

i also took my mom for a peak into my new office, and across the bridge to visit our relatives in fremont. i took her to the airport early monday morning and it was so sad to say goodbye! i wish she could stay forever. i love her more than i could ever attempt to express. she truly is the best mom.

melancholy

2012-01-16T00:17:00.001-08:00

twelve days ago i moved and eleven days ago i started a new job. and it feels like everything in my life has changed – like i’m stuck in the middle of a cartwheel. i’m hanging there, examining my new life from the air, wondering if i like it, all the blood rushing to my head. it’s been a crazy couple of weeks, and honestly a hard couple of weeks. i’m grateful for this mortal experience. i hope i can learn what i need to learn, because i know that this place and time has been written into my life curriculum by a divine hand.

the emotions i had in my last few days living in the city were peculiar. as i took a little extra time to notice my life around me as it passed by gauzy and slow, i kept thinking of the word melancholy. once, a dear friend told me while we watched a golden ocean sunset that she felt feelings of melancholy connected to moments when something beautiful comes to an end, like the last lingering strains of a sunset. we talked about how there is such true sorrow connected with the inevitable death of temporal beauty, but it’s a kind sorrow, a lovely sorrow, an ennobling sorrow - the savory dust of beauty left behind. we came up with a definition something like this:

melancholy -- an emotion of strangely sweet sadness upon realizing the temporality of something very truly beautiful.

such was the state of my heart in my last days living in san francisco. brim with this peculiar brand of emotion that felt so sad and so resplendent at the same time. i love being human because i get to feel like that.

keats wrote a poem called “ode to melancholy"”:

she dwells with beauty—beauty that must die;
and joy, whose hand is ever at his lips
bidding adieu; and aching pleasure nigh,
turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:
ay, in the very temple of delight
veil’d melancholy has her sovran shrine,
though seen of none save him whose strenuous tongue
can burst joy’s grape against his palate fine;
his soul shall taste the sadness of her might,
and be among her cloudy trophies hung.

the sadness i have felt leaving places i love is certainly among my highest trophies of mortality. and now, in a new life, i am learning (again) to chose to be happy, to work and strive and press forward to “burst joy’s grape against [my] palate fine,” so that one day when i leave this new home, melancholy will return.

there is indeed some beauty that never dies, some elements of humanity that don’t evoke melancholy because they are not temporary at all – and those exquisite and ultimate beauties are my fondest dreams and the purpose of life to discover.

last few days in my city by the bay:
-riding the train and the bus watching people
-embracing the movement and energy and electricity of the city going from the shop to the kiosk
-opting to walk everywhere and feeling alive
-being cozy by the christmas tree at home and while nannying
-heavy peace in the temple
-driving across the bay bridge – never gets old
-walking to mt. davidson in the sun – ethereal light
-watching the sunset from my roof and listening to latika’s theme
-going to the nutcracker with my boss – fantastic view from box seats, tingly fingertips during the snow scene, hot coco and cookies at intermission
-having a late night pancake party with my roommates

jerusalem 5 year reunion

2012-01-08T19:37:00.001-08:00

five years ago this week i embarked on the most fantastic, sumptuous adventure of my life (rivaled only by the mission). since all of my siblings went, one by one, to study abroad in the holy land, i dreamed of going to the byu jerusalem center from when i was itty bitty. my junior year of college came, and the center was closed (and had been for an extended amount of time) for security reasons. i prayed literally every day for two years that it would re-open and i would have the opportunity to live my passionate dream. just in the nick of time, the center again opened its doors to students and i was selected to be in the first group back (after 6 years). i can’t think of anything in my life that has been more completely “dream come true” than my experience in jerusalem.

because of all this lead-up, i had super high expectations when i took off for the holy land that january five years ago. and honest to goodness, my expectations were exceeded an hundred fold. i loved every single second of my time at the jerusalem center, and it was so, so, so much more wonderful than i could have ever imagined, or could ever explain! anyone who has talked to me about that semester abroad knows that i can get pretty zealous in recounting any part of my time in the holy land. holy smokes, it was awesome. i’m stopping myself here…trying not to gush endlessly…

one of the best blessings of my time in jerusalem was the people i met, lived with, adventured with, and grew with those glorious, sacred four months. we got very close that semester, and have since gone so many different ways! i decided six months ago to plan a reunion to commemorate the 5-year anniversary of our departure, and to reconnect, and to remember. we settled on january 1 in utah as the best time and place to get together, and so i invited everyone up to my parents’ house and man oh man! it was great.

we caught up with dear friends:

met new spouses:

and new children!:

ate a middle-eastern food feast on my jerusalem china:

watched a slideshow of pictures downstairs:

and of course took a group photo:

and attempted a jumping photo, since we took hundreds in the holy land
(and matt was clearly the only one who really caught the vision):

as we went around the room and gave a report on our last five years to update all these beloved friends, i sat back astounded at what rad people i lived with in the middle east. this group was so amazing. we shared such incredible experiences. no one really understands it but us – they just can’t.

those four months in jerusalem was the absolutely happiest time of my life, and i just can’t imagine it getting any better. i was so grateful for the opportunity to reflect on that time this holiday season.

pretty rockin’ new years eve

2012-01-04T23:40:00.001-08:00

to celebrate my brother-in-law’s birthday and the last day of the year, we went bowling at a swanky new place near my parents’ house. it was so fun to be with this whole clan. i love them.

in the last hours of 2011, those left at my parents’ house started getting a little droopy and tired, and even though i felt quite dreadful, i whipped up some new year’s eve activities and got us celebrating. i can’t let a holiday pass me by! i made everyone write down their top 20 from 2011 and their top 10 for 2012.

we had a little dance party (here’s a snippet: dad: oooh, i like her voice, who is this girl? me: dad, it’s justin beiber!) and then settled down by the fire to share our lists. the best part was hearing what 6-year-old mckay loved best about his year. just so i’ll remember all the goodness of two thousand eleven (and everything i want out of two thousand twelve), here’s my lists:

top 20 from 2011 top 10 for 2012

kissing a stranger husband

job offer triumph china

hawaii career

looslis/shumways/pothiers in sf eyrealm christmas

early morning ireland drive parties/cooking/baking

edinburgh military tattoo fitness

little girl in polochic surprise

atitlan self-discipline (time)

biking london have less fun

temple with diane pray always

dollhouse parties

nauvoo sparkling

sailing

marin headlands

sara’s visit/last night/wedding

train adventure

batter bubble

disneyland with mckay

o canada in the middle of lake louise

listening to latika’s theme overlooking san fran

we finished just in time to pour the bubbly and get out the party poppers to ring in the new year. as soon as 12:01 rolled around, we all looked at each other and said, “can we go to bed now?!” i missed a stellar party with friends because i felt too sick to leave home, but i sure did have a great time in my pjs keeping my family awake. and i got my new year’s kiss!

utah home, part 2

2012-01-02T21:15:00.001-08:00

on christmas eve, i found out my brother and his family were driving to utah from san diego after church on christmas day. that surprise was the best christmas present of all! i got to meet my brand new nephew, baby bennett on december 26, and thus began a great week of inter-holiday goodness in home sweet utah home.

3 things i didn’t like too much about the week: 1. getting sick (yuck!), 2. no snow (boo!) and 3. spending long days studying for the gre. (confession: that is a semi-lie. i secretly enjoyed the studying – at my parents’ house or the cool public library downtown – just a little.) i took the big test on december 29 and i’m so glad it’s done!

BUT! 3 things i loved about the week: (besides the trump-all of being with family – more on that later)

1. hanging out at my alma matter: good old east high.
my brother played in an alumni basketball tournament and i went to cheer his team on (go class of ‘99! they won the big trophy). i honestly think that i have spent more time in that gym than almost any other single room on earth, besides my residences. i went to at least 3 games a week there during basketball season almost every year from when i was 8 until i was 18. it felt weirdly awesome to be back. and i snapped right back into my intense cheering-for-my-brothers mode. my heart was beating so fast when the semi-final was a close one (won at the buzzer!). there were maybe a dozen people in the stands, but nonetheless i still cheered my heart out.

when i took my niece to the bathroom, we noticed that someone had put all the senior class panoramic photos on one wall in the hallway. we found 8 of the 9 eyre kids in their class photo (it only went back to 1989, and my oldest sister graduated from 1988). all of us were leopards, and went through the same traditions and teachers. i love that. i snapped a picture of the classy class of 2004 picture:

we went to get a burger at hire’s big h after one night of basketball, which is classic. i also have a lot of memories in that place.

2. going to my home ward (the congregation/chapel where i went to church growing up).
every time i get to visit the monument park 17th ward i just love it so dang much. there are so many familiar, kind faces, and i am reminded of how blessed i am to have so many incredible examples and friends of all ages in the homiest part of my hometown. it was so fun especially to see some girls who i went through the youth program with. they are such a special (trite word, but what else works?) part of me. when i’m at the home ward, it just feels like i can see my childhood so well, and so rosy.

3. seeing dear, dear, dear friends.
catherine, who just had a baby in august, told me that her christmas wish was to have a couple hours away from her beloved but hard mothering duties to be with her girlfriends. i told her i could definitely make that happen. i gathered up 7 of catherine’s besties (lucky me – they also happen to be my favity faves too!) and we went to lunch at the dodo. it was sublime. truly. i love these women a heck of a lot.

i also got to spend some quality time with cath’s baby boy, sam:

and go for a chilly, pretty mountain walk with these two beauties:

julie, brittany and i were in dc together summers ago. i loved showing them the trail up the mountain that is basically my parents’ backyard. the old snow sure was crunchy, but the world was beautiful and crisp.

i’ve also been able to see some other friends here and there, which has been altogether delightful.

yes, it’s so home here – from east high to the crestview chapel to hire’s and the dodo to the mountains. i love utah.

happy, holy days

2011-12-31T17:31:00.001-08:00

christmas eve and christmas day with the looslis in ogden:
traditional “jerusalem supper” on christmas eve – by candlelight and in character
(mary and joseph’s last meal before they head out on the donkey for bethlehem)

acting out the nativity story

the one gift of christmas eve (can you guess what it was?)

early the next morning:
after singing carols {loud} on the stairs to wake up parents, uncovering stocking treasures

a little excited to go downstairs to see if santa came

the big fat man in his red coat certainly delivered for these kids!

and jared got just what he asked for! purple q-tips!

eyre traditional eggs benedict for breakfast! best meal of the year.
we went to church for an hour (which was wonderful – sunday is the perfect day for christmas!)
and switched back into our pajamas immediately for more present opening!

saren and i randomly got the exact same oh-so-cozy slippers (from different people!)

super fancy christmas dinner – with christmas crackers and still pajamas!
too bad we were so full from all the treats throughout the day that we could hardly fit any turkey in!

***the very best part of the day was doing a "google plus hangout" with nearly my whole family (minus jonah and his family in hawaii). we all got on the internet with webcams and showed off our presents and shared some christmas love. shawni and her family, along with josh, were on the way to a party in arizona (and my niece was on her new longboard cruising down the street, and my 14-year-old nephew was practicing driving!), saydi was using her new mac in boston while her kids showed us what santa brought (including a real bell from his sleigh!), tal kept his camera right on new baby annina in new york city and my mom and dad and eli also waved from the big apple, and noah and his family hollered from their car somewhere in the middle of nevada (en route to utah from california). amazing. right when i went to take a screen shot of all the wonderful, wonderful chaos, our computer died! but that was by far the highlight of my christmas.***

sheesh i love christmas.

utah home, part 1

2011-12-28T09:29:00.001-08:00

every time i come back to utah, i am astonished at how home it feels. i remember that particular, potent brand of poignant familiarity from last time, but i am still amazed.

my friend julie picked me up at the airport and we headed straight to ruth’s diner for brunch. it’s an adorable little mom-and-pop place built into an old traincar up emigration canyon, around the corner from the ‘hood i grew up in. and they have these biscuits that are outrageous. julie and i drove up the canyon after we ate, and the bleak beauty was pure splendor for my mountain-missing eyes. i picked up a car at my old house, went to see catherine, bert, and baby sam, and was astonished at how big he grew since i saw him last. i took the long way to get there, through neighborhoods of my youth and neighborhoods of my memories. i met dani downtown and we went to cafe rio – a utah favity fave. all just so home.

then i met my sister and her family at temple square – always glorious temple square. seeing the christmas lights there is a holiday tradition for everyone i know from utah. something about the bitter cold, the nativities, the christus statue, the crowds, the millions and millions of twinkling lights, the floating candles and luminaries, the magnificent temple – it is (yes, here it comes!) magical.

i don’t think salt lake city will ever cease to be authentic home. and you know what they say, “there’s no place like home for the holidays.”

merry, merry, merry christmas

2011-12-25T12:41:00.000-08:00

for my last day at work, i got real festive. oh how i loved wishing people happy holidays from under my santa hat! some little kids whispered to their dad outside the kiosk, “look, daddy, there’s an elf!” and he replied, “why, yes, it’s a cookie elf!” my last day as a cookie elf was wonderful. i’m gonna miss that bubble.

i am in utah, which will always always be home sweet home, celebrating with my oldest sister and her family. it is, well, magical. i teared up this morning as my 6 year old nephew read this scripture in his cutest little voice: “for unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called wonderful, counsellor, the mighty god, the everlasting father, the prince of peace.” with all my heart i believe in and love and adore the babe of bethlehem.

here are some of my favourite words about the reason christmastime really is, really is, really is magical:

knowest thou the condescension of god?
    at the center of human history stands one event. man reckons time in terms of it; man's destiny depends on it. foreseen by ancient prophets and remembered by faithful followers, it is the birth of christ.
    a thousand years before a thousand years ago a holy night descended on the world. in the darkness of bethlehem the omnipotent god became an impotent baby. the hands that made the world and hung the stars in the sky were now just large enough to grasp a mother's finger. no pillar of fire appeared, but the living tabernacle of god now lay cradled in a manger. from the moment that the infant jesus gazed up into his mother's eyes, man's imagination was altered forever.   the christmas story reveals in every mother and child a holy mystery. a vision of the pair at bethlehem hovers like a halo over all mothers and children wherever the christmas story is remembered, and in the weakness of a newborn child men feel the thrill of something beyond their power to understand.
    for the adversary of all that is good, the arrival of the world's rightful king marked the beginning of the end. when the lord of all the earth appeared, throughout the evil realm a shudder passed as the angel spoke: "for unto you is born this day in the city of david a savior, which is christ the lord" (lk. 2:11). the tiny foot that one day would crush the serpent's head was already nestled in the straw.
    the father's likeness had come at last. did joseph and mary wonder, as they watched the little child, about the humble place of his birth? what would be said of a god who comes not in glory but in secret, a king who came not to command but to obey? "i came down from heaven," he later said, "not to do mine own will, but the will of him who sent me" (jn. 6:38). this was the way of jesus; this was the way of humility. his way was not to disclose an ideal from afar, but instead to be a servant and companion, a teacher and friend. he began his life in a stable, that no one should ever feel too lowly to approach him. he claimed no earthly title that nothing should separate him from those he had come to instruct. he lived a common life, he spoke of common things.
    in the vision of a king born in a stable, attend by the animals and visited by the shepherds, i am led to the ever startling paradoxes that are the essence of the gospel: out of weakness comes strength; out of simplicity, profundity; out of humility, dignity; out of humanity, divinity. i am freed from the judgments and vanities of the world. i see the wisdom of its wise men perish before a deeper truth as three gifts are laid and human wisdom kneels before a little child.
    gazing in my mind's eye at the silent holy family, i learn anew the uselessness of too much talking, too much asserting, too much questioning. in the christmas miracle I learn to be patient, to be still, to wait upon the lord. i share the serenity of the young mother mary, who "kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart" (Lk. 2:19).
-dennis rasmussen

may we all take this magic we feel, that comes undoubtedly from that babe of bethlehem, and keep it in our hearts all through 2012.

dollhouse christmas

2011-12-24T14:15:00.000-08:00

my roommates and i decided that we had three really good reasons to have a little party one week before christmas day: 1. the gorgeous tree we cut down deserved admiration from all our friends, 2. mindy went crazy decorating and our house looks absolutely magical and 3. i am moving out and we needed to celebrate my time in “the dollhouse” (as our home has been dubbed by members of the san francisco singles’ ward). so – we threw a classy, yummy little soiree on sunday evening and it was…dare i say?…magical.

after church, we baked for literally hours and hours. i loved every minute (and all the sneaks i took of cookie dough). we had quite the spread for our guests, including “hot cocoa stirrers” i made out of marshmallows, chocolate, candy canes and straws. i was completely obsessed with them. my new addiction to pinterest is already paying off:

mindy was the master baker…we were all her apprentices. beth made chex mix with santa hats made out of bugles! wow. aubrey decided no party is complete without cheez-its.
we had so many fun guests, including puppy roxy, dressed as mr. claus! he belongs to our friend andre.
stacia, amanda, banner, joe and rachel // charity and roxy
michelle, charity, josephine // steph, charity, jae (and his stache)

stacy, julie and charity

charity, steph and laura (and my hot cocoa stirrers!!!)

beth, aubrey, tim, anisha, holly, janet and emily

kevin, melissa, charity, henry and krystle

i love all the diverse friends i have here in the city. everyone is interesting and has something cool to offer. and i really, really love my roommates. we are all so different and have had so much to learn from each other. living in this house, with these women, is one of the best things fate has brought me. i will miss living here a whole lot.

i can’t decide which picture i like better…
farrah, mindy, charity, janet, beth, emily and aubrey (jana was in canada, and we missed her so much!)

really, really awkward pose – not sure what we’re trying to do here. but man, i love these girls.

after cleaning up and unplugging the lights, beth, janet, aubrey and stayed up late in the kitchen in our pjs giggling. late nights with roommates is a true happy about this season of life.

merry christmas from the dollhouse girls!

hana

2011-12-23T19:48:00.001-08:00

my last day on the island, i rented a car and drove the famous “road to hana” to visit my friend kara. kara grew up in the remote, tiny, outlandishly lush and gorgeous town of hana, and told me if i made the trek along the narrow, windy road, she would bring me on some adventures. yes, please.

the 24 hours i spent driving to hana and back and playing with kara made for honestly one of the best days i can remember. it was almost too beautiful to be real or mortal.

i listened to hawaiian flavored versions of christmas songs as i drove through the rainforest. twangy ukulele soundtracked my cruise along cliffs and over bridges and past waterfalls and through dense green. i stopped when i felt like it, hiked along random paths, grabbed some shave ice, let the views fill me up. the clouds moved with me, just a few minutes ahead of me, and it only rained for about 2 minutes total. i was outside during one downpour and i stretched my arms out and let the warm water pelt me. thanks to the week of rain, waterfalls were streaming down the mountains, and everything looked so moist and clean and … man, it was gorgeous.

when i drove into the town of hana, slowly, looking for kara’s house, i heard her familiar voice holler “charity!” and i had arrived! if you met kara, you would be instantly blown away by how genuinely cool she is. she is both exotic, interesting cool and just-truly-a-beautiful-human cool. she’s a filmmaker and a musician, a traveler and a real individual. she has the warmest heart and goodness in all of her veins, goodness you can truly feel when you are with her. really really. she’s a goddess.

as soon as we said hi and hugged, kara said, “let’s go swimming! let’s go hiking! let’s go!” and we were off. our adventures were risky for a non-waterproff camera, so i left mine in the car and kara brought her little one in its waterproof case. then we left it in the car after our first little hike. whoopsie. these two pictures are all i have from our absolutely magically, unrealishly beautiful afternoon:

cameraless, i worked so hard to imprint the sights and experiences of the day on my mind and heart, and because of that, i don’t think i will ever forget that december 14. it was just one of those days full of those moments that completely stun you and you feel so full with goodness and beauty that you’re fit to burst. we hiked along the coast on a path of black lava cliffs and green, green vegetation, which stung my eyes against the blue, blue sea. the clouds rolled, the waves crashed and gurgled, kara told me ancient hawaiian legends and historical facts, and i couldn’t stop sighing at the sensations of it all.

it started raining as we hiked back to the black sand beach, and we walked down a path to some caves filled with crystal clear water and dove in. kara brought candles in a mason jar and we lit them in a corner of the caves and let them float in the water. the rain pinged on the exposed part of the water. we held the candles as we swam back in the caverns, and kara told me about the myth of the princess who hid there. we climbed up through the caves to an opening that put us back on the path, picked ginger flowers, and prowled through the rainforest back to the car.

it rained hard for about three minutes as we drove to another beach, and then stopped just as we got out of the car. we walked along the beach, then over some rocks to another secluded beach, and the waves roared. the sun was setting behind us. the light was otherworldly. the beauty made the air so thick that it seemed like gel we were wading through. we walked along a meadow, the powerful sea on one side and the majestic, misty mountains on the other, the clouds above us golden and the sun behind us making the world glow. we came across a waterfall that had appeared with the rain, one kara had never seen before. oh my goodness, it was all magic. it was unreal.

as we walked back along the meadow, and picked up coral, and cracked open nuts that had fallen from a big wide tree, and the wind blew our hair, i etched that scene onto my memory. it reminded me of a passage in my favourite book, a tree grows in brooklyn: francie stood on tiptoe and stretched her arms wide. 'oh, i want to hold it all!' she cried. 'i want to hold the way the night is … i want to hold all of it tight until it hollers out, "let me go! let me go!"' i literally scooped my arms around that hawaiian evening that surrounded me and tried this: she decided to fix this time in her life exactly the way it was this instant. perhaps that way she could hold on to it as a living thing and not have it become something called a memory. there is a living thing in me now, that slice of time: the surging waves, the luscious clouds, kara’s freckled face, the sponginess of the grass, the energy of the earth rumbling under my feet.

we ate traditional laulaus, went to the town’s christmas celebration at the school, and that night i fell asleep to kara playing the guitar and singing (one of the best, sweetest, most wonderful sounds in the world) and rain pattering on the roof.

as i drove away from hana early in the morning, and the sun rose, and things were golden again, my heart literally hurt because it was so devastatingly beautiful. no picture or words can do. i feel like all this description is so overly “dripping with passion,” but i promise it’s so real, not just drama. the earth and mortal life can be and is that devastatingly beautiful – in fact, i think those moments are the realest of all living.

i stopped for a couple minutes at a beach lookout before i went to the airport to fly back to the mainland. i let the sun seep through my clothes and warm my back, watched the surfers, sucked maui into my pores, and then headed home, completely, completely full.

a maui christmastime

2011-12-22T18:57:00.000-08:00

as the youngest of nine grown (and seven married) children, i don’t go home to my parents’ for christmas anymore. instead i get to pick a sibling and spend the holiday with them and their spouse and kids. when you have a brother that lives in hawaii, the choice is pretty obvious (even when you have siblings in other super neat places like boston, new york city, san diego, washington dc, etc). however, flights to hawaii from san francisco the week of christmas are about $1200. but, flights to hawaii from san francsico two weeks before christmas are $300. so, i decided to have a maui christmas followed by a white christmas in utah a couple weeks later.

my brother jonah and his wife aja moved to the island of maui just a couple of months ago, and it was so exciting to be their first visitor. as soon as i got off the plane in honolulu i felt a fantastic thrill to be back in hawaii. i flew on to maui and into a week of wonderful.

my six days with jonah, aja, aniston, camden, elsie and poem in pictures and bullet points:

straight from the airport to the beach

boogie boarding in the warm ocean
eating obscene amounts of sugary food – pineapple, lilikoi coconut ice cream, sharks blood shave ice, homemade cookies, tropical starbursts, hawaiian donuts, candy canes, costco frozen yogurt, and the list could go on and on…

eating amazing food homemade by jonah – like stew with venison from the deer he helped butcher and carrots right out of the garden, fresh baked bread, spiced steel cut oats for breakfast, sourdough pancakes from scratch, homemade granola, and here we have another list that could go on and on…
cuddling in the morning – ana, cam or elsie would come in and wake me up and get under the covers with me for a good thirty minutes of snuggling
reading christmas books by the glow of twinkle lights every night before bed
singing “mele kalikimaka” at least 20 times a day, loud for all to hear
riding around the jo and aja’s awesomely awful “maui cruiser” – completely rusted up old mercedes station wagon that runs on vegetable grease
playing cards with cam and ana while it poured outside
ana and jonah teaching me how to surf, and catching my first wave!

lots of rain and lots of clouds
rainbows everyday as we attempted to chase the sunshine

doing sun salutations (yoga moves) on the beach in an effort to cajole the sun to come out!
sneaking in to fancy resort pools
snorkeling: outlandishly colorful fish, turtles, eels, coral, hearing the whales underwater
late nights with jonah and aja blogging, browsing pinterest and talking
seeing their new house, which they closed on while i was there!, and envisioning it when it is all fixed up jo and aja style (right now, we just say, “um, well, it has a lot of potential…”)
exploring their new town, makawao (could there be a cooler name for a town?) – cutest little street-lined main street where they had a little christmas festival
finding a non-rainy beach and boogie boarding even though it was super cloudy

local middle school ukulele band playing jingle bells before they lit the star in the tree in the center of makawao (which i learned is the cowboy capital of maui – my niece the complete cowgirl is in heaven)
baking loads of treats and cutting out dots for poem’s first birthday party
a polka dot party for poem eyre in a beautiful park near jonah and aja’s rental house

are you dying about how cute poem is? i seriously can’t handle it.

little girls making me a flower wreath and throwing orange blossoms at me

pouring rain during church
every speaker or teacher in church begins with “alooooooooha!
pure gluttony and lots of fun at the makawao ward christmas party
walk to the first mormon chapel in maui with aja in the rain on sunday night – burning sunset, adorable little church on the volcano, and wet wonderful conversation
looking at old blog posts and remembering and laughing our heads off
sandcastle building and destroying

two lunches of costco samples (we didn’t buy anything either time)
getting loads of free yummy spreads from jonah and aja’s landlord, who runs “maui upcountry jams and jellies” and mailing them home to myself
waking up early and going to the farmers market and a bunch of garage sales with jonah in the rain

swinging on a hammock at a fancy resort with cam and ana and giggling

misty mountains in the distance – enchanting
ridiculously bright, pretty, amazing flowers everywhere

a sunday morning walk by myself up haleakala volcano (around jonah and aja’s neighborhood)
reminiscing on family memories on maui
(thanks to elsie’s cuteness) enjoying a free jumpy house, water slide and ice cream at a company party that happened to be at the beach we went to one morning

jumping off black rock at kanapaali beach at sunset

loving the buoyancy and floating sensation in the warm ocean
chocolate milk waves – brown water flowing into the sea from all the rain
eating peanut butter and (passion fruit, persimmon, or guava) jelly sandwiches on the go
randomly stopping at a moving sale aja or jonah just happened upon via their craigslist app
the completely magical banyan tree in the center of lahaina town

lit up shops, free dessert samples, and bright parrots in lahaina
sandy feet
having my swimsuit on and being wet all day – what is it about that that is so wonderful? and the shower at the end of such a day!
hot, humid air that seems to stick to my lungs
taking a run with aja while the kids were at swim team
babysitting so jonah and aja could go on a date

after i said goodbye and as i was driving away, ana came running out of the house to yell one last “mele kalikimaka” my way. it certainly was a merry maui christmastime. i’m already pining to go back to visit the hawaii eyres.

one very christmasy day

2011-12-21T18:12:00.001-08:00

saturday, december 5, 2011:

1. a 5 mile run along the beach with beloved roomies. we all went together! sunshine. salt air. so alive.

2. cutting down a christmas tree in the mountains. just like last year. except harder to make a decision on the tree. and sunnier. and maybe even a tad more wonderful. eeeeep i was super excited.

we had a pretty tough time settling on which tree to chop…but finally found a winner!
then each roomie took a turn sawing!

we met santa, who gave us candy canes, let me pull his beard, and requested a picture on his own camera.
then we slapped the 9 foot tree on top of jana’s car and brought it into our home!

3. baking a surprise christmas cake. i was supposed to make it the night before for the ward party and got stuck at work. so i made krystle and kelsey come over and eat some, and my roommates ate some more for breakfast. i just really like baking these days. and cutting into colored surprise cakes? thrilling.

4. (self-guided) christmas lights of san francisco tour (also just like last year) with josephine and kelsey. sparkly and enchanting night again –huzzah! and…santa was on our trolley car. we stepped on the f train and there he was. real beard.

union square is dazzling, and the plaza hotel is fabulous! the painted ladies and golden gate bridge made entirely out of gingerbread! our last stop was the (literally) sparkling tree at pier 39:

1+2+3+4 = christmastime warmth and delight. magical, indeed.

it's christmastime!!!

2011-12-19T23:21:00.000-08:00

i have been a month behind on blogging ever since i got back from britain. i'm itching to be caught up, so prepare yourself for a buttload of merry christmas (and mele kalikimaka) posts coming right up. i'll probably use the word magical an inordinate amount, but i just can't help myself.

i love christmastime. holy smokes i love christmastime.
here we go...

on december first a group of us went to see the san francisco symphony perform some holiday classics. it was an enchanting and sparkly evening (oooooh i love those) and a fantastic way to kick off the season. we got all fancy and thoroughly enjoyed the excellent music, magical ambiance of the tannenbaum filled symphony hall, and fantastic views from the balcony.

it was all just so lovely jubly. and the first glimmer of the spirit of christmas settled in to grow in my heart.

gobble gobble

2011-12-13T00:35:00.001-08:00

on thanksgiving morning, i ran 10k at the walnut creek annual turkey trot! my roommate beth, dear friend steph, and some of our pals from east bay started the holiday off together at the race. it was raining and cold, and the run was so, so exhilarating. i kicked my usual pace up a notch and gave it all i had for 6.2 miles and it felt amaaaazing. as i ran i thought i about all the things i am thankful for this year and i sprinted across the finish line filled with the realization that i am such a blessed girl. what a happy, happy feeling.

i also screamed as i ran through a tunnel of foliage in the park. the orange pinks were the sweetest sting to the eyes. the runners around me were a little miffed by the yelling. but seriously. we don’t get much autumn color in the city, and so i loved seeing the leaves in walnut creek.

i felt so good after running, and that was quickly demolished by eating obscene amounts of food – but hey, that’s what thanksgiving is for right? feeling miserably full and huge? sure. i got to feast with some of my favourite people – my cousin ben and his family – and his wife’s extended family. i can’t believe i didn’t take a single picture. both the grub and the company were stellar.

feeling achingly awful and stuffed, i took a brisk walk around the neighborhood in fremont and called all my siblings to wish them a happy thanksgiving. the trees were popping with ruddy color, the sun peaked out, the air was perfectly crisp and i was tickled with goosebumps. i felt so awake and so aware of blessings. trite but true: i have so much to be thankful for.

i spent that evening eating pizza and pumpkin cookies with my friend katie, decorating and watching “you’ve got mail” in pjs. as if i couldn’t get any fuller – with food or with goodness for a thanksgiving day.

can you hear the hallelujah chorus???

2011-12-09T00:41:00.001-08:00

after nearly a year and half of applying and interviewing and loads of agonizing, i have finally landed a “real,” full-time (and pretty neat, if i may say so) JOB!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

because of the way it was offered and accepted, and the change that it entails, i’ve consciously taken in this momentous news slowly and actually quite unemotionally, but sometimes when i think about it i want to climb to the top of the highest building in this city and belt out “hallelujah!!!” (to handel’s tune, of course). i feel really grateful and ready and excited and validated and so relieved – and also intimidated and nervous and overwhelmed. but all these things are good and my heart is experiencing a new kind of wondrous peace.

i will be working with brilliant people at innosight institute, a non-profit think-tank working toward cool ventures in educational innovation. my position is temporary for now, and will probably evolve over time. it is such an exciting and well-fitted opportunity for me to learn, gain experience, and contribute where i can.

after all this time wanting, hoping, and praying, i’m not sure how to respond to actually having a job to look forward to starting. sometimes it hasn’t hit me, other times it worries me because it will be such a change, and then there are those moments where i am completely washed over by a wave of gratitude, thrill, relief and bubbly anticipation.

and then there are those moments of that particular brand of harrowing sadness that come when a chapter of life is nearing its end. i’ve felt this turn-the-page sensation over and over, but each and every time it creates a well of emotion, tender preemie nostalgia, tickles of memories and gratitudes and culminating realizations. i’m so glad that in every transition i can think of in my life, i have been true blue sad. bidding farewell to rich (in wonderful and in hard) living creates a pleasing pain.

yes, sometimes i feel like singing the hallelujah chorus at the top of my lungs from the tip-top of the transamerica building, and other times i feel like whispering a sad sad song from one of the many viewpoints i’ve discovered in the city. you see, this new job opportunity necessitates a move – i am leaving san francisco, and it’s like a stinging jab to the heart.

sure, i’ll just be 45 minutes down the peninsula, and i’ll often come up to the city, but it won’t be the same as living here – as living in a metropolis that has stolen my heart and changed my heart. the other day i was walking from work to yoga, down polk street admiring the quirky shops, and i couldn’t breathe i missed it so much already. with the move looming over me, i’m noticing even more that i love about san fran, and it is honestly physically painful to think that the city isn’t as much mine as it has been before. all this really makes me appreciate what this place as done for my spirit. it’s truly amazing what unexplainable things a place can do to your spirit.

my sister-in-law showed me around pinterest tonight. i’ll never be the same.
my future home is just off the map at the point of the heart.

so, in the next couple of weeks i will soak in all the more: the purple horizon over the ocean that i see when i wake up, the reflection of the moon on the water when i go to sleep, the shining unusual people i interact with on my bus/train commutes to work, the affection from the little ones i nanny, the giddiness i feel being downtown at the kiosk, the adoration i feel for the city as i drive down steep california street face-to-face with the bay bridge in the battermobile, the warmth of coming home to a house and roommates that make me happy, the way the light hits the hills and the corners of this place that i will always love. and then! then, with this new job, my hopes and prayers of so many months will be realized and a new adventure will begin.

hallelujah.

come fly with me

2011-12-04T00:51:00.001-08:00

every december our church congregation of young single adults in san francisco holds a “ward service auction” to raise money for a worthy local charitable cause. last year my (then) new friend laura won the most spectacular item being auctioned – a scenic bay area flight in fellow ward member brynn’s family plane. that night, i facetiously showered laura with compliments and favors thinking flippantly “wouldn’t it be stinking awesome to get to be her guest in the 4 passenger plane??” i was astonished, flattered and so, so, so excited when a few weeks ago she actually invited me to accompany her on this long awaited adventure!

it was a pretty cloudy and hazy day in the bay, but we got to the little concord airport just as the sun said hello and the skies cleared just enough for a spectacular cruise in the air. it was so exciting to be in that little plane with laura, brynn, and brynn’s dad, our pilot.

i felt completely safe and completely happy, and i’m pretty sure my constant oohs, ahhs, squeals and swoons were quite annoying to everyone else on their headsets. it was just so neat to be above everything, and see my beloved city like i never have before. here’s what we saw:

laura got to fly the plane herself, right as we saw the golden gate bridge in the distance!

up in those clouds, i was on cloud 9. thanks laura for bringing me along – it was awe.some!

gunpowder, treason and plot

2011-11-28T19:57:00.001-08:00

remember, remember the 5th of november!

bonfire night/guy fawkes day is one of my favourite english traditions – one that i vowed to continue in america. my first november back from the mission i burned a tiny cardboard effigy with my roommies, and last year kelsey and i hosted a stellar bonfire celebration on ocean beach. we were excited for months to have another beach bonfire this year, but at the last minute we had to move indoors thanks to rain. nevertheless, our celebration of the failure of the gunpowder plot of 1605 was a smashing success.

we made this lovely effigy of the wicked man himself, i pulled out my union jack paraphernalia, and we started a blazing fire in the fireplace at my house.

i made “triffle shots” with genuine english custard my friend graham sent to me from across the pond (and with berries, angel food cake and whipped cream).
i was kind of obsessed with how cute and yummy they turned out.

we liked introducing guy, our terrible traitor, to our many guests:

roommates with guy

kelsey and i read the story of the gunpowder plot and then made everyone chant the traditional poem with us. once we were sufficiently riled up, i threw him in the fire, and his head popped immediately!
then we headed out to the backyard for sparklers and other fireworks under the clearing night sky:

the best part of the party was that right after we came inside, the windows filled with blue and red because the cops showed up! we didn’t get in too much trouble. we were bummed about having to move inside, but it turned out to be such a lovely, fun, cozy, wonderful night. down with guy fawkes, and here’s to a brilliant celebration!

a spookily wonderful brand of eerie magic

2011-11-26T22:37:00.001-08:00

after work on november second, i rode my bike to 24th street and mission and into another world. the celebration of dia de los muertos – day of the dead – was in full swing and the atmosphere was thick with a spookily wonderful brand of eerie magic. i love love love this event. in keeping with latino culture, this day is set apart to remember and revere those who have passed on, and the mission district of san francisco throws a pretty rad party. i met up with my friend krissy, whose facepaint turned me and steph into skeletons, as that weirdly beautiful magic wafted around us. the energy on the streets during the day of the dead is so unique – a mix of sacred, edgy and exciting – mystic, dead and spine-tingly alive.

there is a procession which all can watch and/or join in on. most everyone carries a candle and many carry pictures of loved ones who have passed on. one of the best parts of this event is seeing what kinds of incredibly cool costumes and creations people have come up with. music fills the streets and people dance, march and twirl down the road to the varying beats.

after the procession we headed to a park where all the altars were set up. there were candles galore, including many hanging from branches and over the paths, flowers and notes and pictures and presentations set into the trees and arranged in the grass. it was so beautiful and felt so sacred. i loved the hallowed feeling there. we meandered through the crowds and memorabilia and everyone spoke hushed and everything was gleaming soft in the night.

we ate amazing, huge burritos with our faces still dead at a hole-in-the-wall taqueria and chatted about which things we saw that we liked the best. the ghosts of the streets continued passing outside, and salsa replaced face paint. i rode my bike home with salsa and paint on my face, and i felt so happy for a little trip to another eerily magical world.

halloweeny

2011-11-22T20:53:00.001-08:00

i really, really love halloween. i think dressing up is so stinking fun. i feel like this year all the wonderful spookiness came and went too quickly! but - i did relish running by all the decorations in my neighborhood and selling halloweeny treats (ghosts made out of frosting, etc!) from the batter kiosk.

every year the berkeley singles’ ward puts on a huge halloween party that is not to be missed. my costume was thrown together at the last minute, but i think it turned out pretty awesome.

kelsey as a paper doll (what an adorable idea, huh?), krystle as sushi, katie as a flapper girl and me as a pretty legit cavewoman (thanks to kels who created the bone and ratted my hair with wild abandon). yes, i know i went a little overboard on trying to make myself look dirty.

this is quite the cast of characters, don’t you think?

i love how the spooky time of year feeds perfectly into the cozy time of year. on halloween itself, i dressed up as a witch for work in the kiosk (asian tourists loved taking pictures of me), and after work, i rode my bike to to a lovely halloween dinner at rachael’s. we enjoyed hot apple cider, butternut squash soup, seasonal salads, hand-dipped caramel apples, and a sparkly view of the city by the bay. very, very cozy.

riding bikes with dani

2011-11-20T20:04:00.001-08:00

dani and i have riden bikes together in: provo, boston, new york city, the gaza strip, chaing mai (if you count a scooter), nauvoo, huntington beach, and probably one or two other places that i am forgetting. so when she came to visit me a few weeks ago, i took her bike riding through the napa vineyards.

it was the most gorgeous, sunny, warm day in napa valley and i couldn’t contain my excitement for all the beauty around us. a group of us (including jonathan, who dani and i went to jerusalem with, and his wife polin) cruised along marveling at the views and soaking up the sun. it was a splendid afternoon.

we had a picnic lunch by a lake and dani played the uke for us.

we stopped at a cute little pumpkin patch. the autumn afternoon light made me feel like we were in a fairyland.

we rode down these beautiful roads to a fabulous winery and an olive oil tasting place, where we got free oil and vinegar for playing/singing a ukulele song.

at the end of our ride, we stopped to check out the foliage up close, eat some tiny, delicious grapes right off the vine, and, you know, just frolic a bit down the rows.

it was a golden day of sensory delight.

also while dani was here:
-thai food
-a walk to the top of mt. davidson
-a sunday stroll along ocean beach
-showing her off to friends at church
-buying matching feather earrings at a random farmer's’ market
-a picnic in golden gate park
-chatting at jonathan and polin’s house
-wandering through the mission

i love this girl wherever we are in the world, and forever, ever.

{all photos by dani}

why i love being a mormon

2011-11-16T22:42:00.000-08:00

today i had a song that i learned as a child stuck in my head. it goes like this:
"i belong to the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints. i know who i am. i know god’s plan. i’ll follow him in faith. i believe in the saviour jesus christ. i’ll follow his name. i’ll do what is right, i’ll follow his light. his truth i will proclaim!”

every time i think of those verses i am struck with a hollowing gratitude for my faith. and when i meet people and they realize i am a mormon, i look them dead in the eye and say with all the fire i can muster, “i love being a mormon. it is the best thing in my life.” i am passionate about a lot of things, but there is nothing i am more passionate about than the restored gospel of jesus christ.

here are a few reasons why i love being a member of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints (certainly not a complete or exhaustive list): may it be noted that i know people of all faiths and no faith find these blessings in many other ways and not all of these are only applicable in connection with my religion.

1. i really and deeply feel that i have found truth, that i have found answers to the most earnest human questions of the heart. i understand my purpose in life, i have great hope for the future and the life to come, i know where i came from and who i am and who god is and that there’s a plan to all the craziness of mortality. i have peace in my heart because i am confident that all that is wrong and unfair about the world will be made right. with all my soul i believe that because of jesus christ i (and anyone) can be healed from any hurt and any mistake can be righted. i understand god’s plan, and this helps life to make sense even when it makes no sense. what i’m ultimately saying here is that being an active member of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints brings me immeasurable and real peace, hope and joy.

2. being a member of the church of jesus christ offers a wonderful sense of belonging to an incredible, worldwide community. i have been to mormon church services in many corners of the world, and always i am welcomed with open arms, familiar doctrines, and the feeling of the spirit of god. the church is united across the globe, and it is truly amazing to be a part of the millions who share the same beliefs and standards. and, anywhere i move, i have an instant community … friends, people watching out for me, resources to find help that i need. i would feel absolutely comfortable moving any place in the wide world because i know there i would find a church family, companionship, brotherhood and sisterhood with fellow mormons. the community i have here in san francisco, and have had everywhere i’ve lived, has been a tremendous blessing to me, from finding housing to borrowing a truck to receiving emotional and spiritual support in times of need. the community of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints is phenomenal.

3. i love the traditions in the church – things like gathering with family and/or friends to watch broadcasts of general conference, going to “girls’ camp” as a group of young women, the little children putting on a program in sacrament meeting (our main sunday meeting), gathering as women of relief society to discuss books or share talents, spending time together at weekly family home evenings. there are sacred traditions as well, what we call ordinances, like baptism and partaking of the sacrament. these all add to the sense of community and culture and also just make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. i love looking forward to church things that are weekly or yearly. i love the righteous and wonderful traditions of the church.

4. the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints is all about service. no one is paid in the church, not bishops or teachers or even the prophet. we each have jobs in the church; we all sacrifice our time and energy to serve each other, and that is a beautiful thing. there is an attitude of willing service, of generosity and unexpectant brotherly love in the church that i believe is unrivaled. my family and i have been helped and blessed countless times and in countless ways through church programs and members. and i have had the opportunity to serve others in many capacities. i am so grateful for that. i have found great joy in fulfilling church responsibilities, in helping others in my congregations and reaching out together to the community, in supporting church programs and in learning how to be more selfless through service. the humanitarian efforts of the church to those of all faiths is gigantic, and i am proud to make monetary and other donations to such service.

5. my membership in the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints has given me a sense of security in my life. i believe with all my heart that commandments from god are advice from a loving father who happens to know everything. that advice is so valuable! i know that god has called a prophet who lives on the earth today and acts as god’s mouthpiece. god is speaking! and he is telling us how to be happy, healthy, and safe. i feel so much peace and security from keeping the commandments. i’ve never thought of them as rigid rules that constrain me – they are loving pieces of advice that keep me safe and free navigating all the beauties and vices of modern-day life.

6. additionally, i feel a strong sense of personal guidance thanks to my membership in the church. after i was baptized, i received the gift of the holy ghost, and i absolutely believe that the spirit of god guides me day-to-day and when making big decisions. in addition to the general guidance i get as a member of the church (like mentioned above), i feel that god guides me specifically and personally, and i can recognize that guidance and its origin and feel watched over and directed as i make choices in this crazy world.

7. speaking of this crazy world, the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints provides me with peaceful places and situations to escape the madness of life and society and meditate. when i go to the temple, i literally feel that i leave all the stresses and noises and distractions of the world behind and there i can see inside myself and commune with god. there is the heaviest peace in the temple, and it is so very good for my soul. additionally, at church every single sunday i can take a respite from all the busyness and focus on becoming a better human being and doing what is right for me and others. i love these much-needed breaks from the world, which give me fuel to live the best i can, to live passionately, to live calmly and to live gladly.

7. because i am a member of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints, i got to have the experience of being a full-time missionary. the mission was the most valuable experience i have had in my life, taught me a million trillion beautiful things, strengthened my character in countless ways, and expanded my heart many, many sizes. i will forever be grateful for those sacred eighteen months. yes, the mission is one reason i love being a mormon.

8. i feel that being a member of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints helps me to keenly understand what is most important. the church is incredibly family-focused and i am grateful for that reminder and emphasis. i feel that i have a really healthy perspective because of what i have learned in the church, and that helps me to be optimistic. i really do think that being a mormon helps me to be happy loving life, to be dripping with passion.

and on and on - the book of mormon as a miracle and a huge source of inspiration, knowledge about communication with god through prayer, quirky things like "linger longers," funny cultural tidbids and a trillion acronyms, hymns and children's songs that get stuck in my head, incredibly inspiring prophets and apostles, spiritual connections that help put the puzzles of life and history together, etc, etc, etc.

yes, being a mormon is pretty groovy. if you can’t tell, i can really gush about this stuff – we’re only scratching the surface folks. i’m forever grateful for the church and gospel in my life. i love it so dang much that i can’t help sharing it with others – how could i keep all this to myself?!

live every day of your life

2011-11-14T09:24:00.001-08:00

“never stop striving for the best that is within you. never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart. but don’t close your eyes to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life.”
“the happiest people i know are not those who find their ‘golden ticket’; they are those who, while in pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. they are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives. these are they who are truly happy.”
-president dieter f. uchtdorf

grace cathedral yoga, every tuesday evening: cold marble, glowing windows, live mystic music, colorful mats, “om” reverberating through the tall rafters, downward dog
coming home to orange flowers and views of pink/purple sunsets over the ocean

baking and cooking adventures – the best when roommates are all creating yum together.
one recent experiment: pumpkin, rosemary and arugula pizza
pretty flowers found while window shopping on union street (this day also included a blues festival on polk street) – taking the kids i nanny to the pumpkin patch across the golden gate bridge

on days i work at batter bakery, i go into the kitchen and help finish and package handcrafted baked goods. we share the kitchen with a few other companies, and the smell is always interesting, and more often than not there are pig faces staring up at me when i go in the walk-in refrigerator.
then, i hop in the “battermobile” and cruise to make deliveries and report for sales duty at the kiosk. there are few places i have been happier in san francisco than in this mini driving around town.
i sit in a glass tube in the middle of the financial district and make people’s day a little sweeter with cookies, brownies, shortbread and the like. i love watching people, meeting people, smiling at people.

the view of the inside of the kiosk – the view of the outside of the kiosk.
i’m literally in the epicenter of my city and it throbs around me and the cable cars ring by and i love it all so very much. when i leave the kiosk to go to the bank or bathroom, i feel gallant between the skyscrapers.

one day i was sitting in the kiosk reading when a loud bang crashed the glass around me. it was my brother! who was in town for a work conference. he bought some cookies. i told customers all day about his visit.

another of my three jobs: i have become the smith family scrapbooker – these are pages from 1979. i sit in this beautiful room and create photo layouts to help preserve a family history, and i always feel a bit nostalgic for memories that aren’t even mine. it makes me realize there is a lot more life to live.
flora at the park; henry at soccer practice. i feel real love for these kids and i like to think i am a beloved nanny. i pick them up from school, take them to soccer and piano, make them mac and cheese, take them to the bookstore, ride the bus with them, create playdough masterpieces with flora and face off with henry spinning “bayblades” or playing chess. i love being their babysitter, and i really feel like it is good practice for parenthood, and i really feel like i am a positive force in their lives and minds and hearts.

in san francisco, sure to wear flowers in our hair. henry and i get on just fine, but flora is my snuggly sidekick. i even made it onto her “best friends list” last week! check out her wink!

our friend stacey is moving to idaho falls, so kelsey, steph and i took a day off work to go with stacey to some of the places she wanted to check off her list before moving away. it was a perfect san francisco day – a little chilly but sunny and super crystal clear. we went to ike’s place (best sandwich of your life) and bi-rite creamery (eating cinnamon snickerdoodle ice cream is maybe better than kissing a cute boy) and picnicked in dolores park. we went to ocean beach, sutro baths, and the lyon street stairs. it was a glorious day of kef (n: state of drowsy contentment; cool word, huh?).

i have been getting really into making neat-o birthday cakes lately. for kelsey (extreme lover of bacon and of chocolate)’s birthday i made a bacon double chocolate cake – homecooked bacon bits in the batter and in the frosting and a layer of bacon strips between the two cakes.

and for katie’s birthday kels helped me made a surprise tie die cake! i was a little obsessed with it.

saturday mornings at alemany famers’ market make me happy. look at that incredible rainbow chard.
(high school, now married friend) missy and i met up for dinner and then sample strolling at the castro evening farmers’ market. despite the fall chill that has recently come to sf, there is something so balmy about this sparkly atmosphere lighting up the night.
i love farmers’ markets. just had to say. in italics and in bold.

mission murals! street art is a new, real passion of mine. i pass so much cool color and pattern explosions everyday when i’m working in the mission.
i love art outside, on buildings, in front of our faces.

do you ever wish for an internal brain camera that could just grab a snapshot of all the tiny beauties, oddities and intrigues you see along your way? i do. my life right now is convex with tidbits i wish i could capture – these pictures are so skim. right here and now in my life, i’m so interested in what is around me all the time. i want to imprint it all on me; i want it to shape me and carry me onto the next and the next of life. one day i’ll be looking back at old pictures with sighs like the woman i scrapbook for does so tenderly.

my life feels so random, and often it feel so hard. i have sundays where all i want to do is curl up in bed and cry and cry. but i love that it feels difficult because that means i am striving. i’m glad that i’m not just doing any old thing just to get by. i’m glad that i feel anxiety to find my life mission. somehow, i am happy to feel at times very lost and very lonely. i am being human and mortal and learning about the difference between content and complacent. i am living every day of my life.

yes, i love weaving this tapestry of little golden threads that make up my random little life. big changes are coming for me in january – so now i am trying extra hard to “discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments.”

san diego temple, san diego zoo

2011-11-10T22:11:00.001-08:00

a few weeks ago i got to take a quick trip to san diego to watch my brother’s kids while he took his wife on a surprise overnight train trip. oooooh i love surprises!

one really happy thing for me is waking up to nieces and nephews watching me sleep. after giving the kids big morning hugs on friday, i ran out the door to catch an early morning session at the san diego temple before noah and kristi left on their “date.” my time in that temple was celestial. i really, really love the temple and the peace and closeness to heaven that i feel there.

on saturday i took the kids to the world famous san diego zoo. i couldn’t believe how much fun we had – i was nervous taking all three rowdy kids. the zoo was genuinely super cool. and the kids were so good at the promise of gummy worms! we ate at in-n-out and we had a tangled movie night.

on sunday i ended up leaving mckay and lyla mischievous and alone in the pew and crying with cubby in the foyer. yes, we were both crying. worst sacrament meeting ever. and – a great adventure.

where heaven meets earth

crazy, unposeable but outlandishly loveable kids

animals – other favourites were the koalas, the camels and the cheetah

i also got to go to the top of a mountain and a beach filled with seals with a new friend. someday i’ll go to san diego without intent to play mom and explore the city! until then, a free trip to hang out with my favourite little people works for me.

oh! we also did this before the big surprise date {just got these pictures from kristi}:

yay for fall break

2011-11-08T22:35:00.001-08:00

my girls julie (dear soulmate friend), christyn (newfound kindred friend) and michelle (just-met-and-instantly-adored friend) came to san fran during their grad school fall break. it was such a delight having these pearls of girls around – super fun and easy visitors. has this blog been absolutely nothing but a scrolling event report lately? yes. but nonetheless, here’s what went down when the girls were in town…

i took them to my absolute favourite sf brunch spot, the red door cafe. this place offers such a memorable dining experience. the host/owner (guy in picture above) is flamboyant, crass, inappropriate, sparkly, vain, loud, sassy, and so much fun. and when you get past the layers you seriously see a heart of gold. he runs the place with so much panache it’s unbelievable. the place is a hole in the wall, creepishly decorated and squished. and the food – oh the food! – it is to die for. i am pining for it just thinking about it now.in addition to being outrageously tasty, the food is also a feast for the eyes – the presentation is like art! the whole eating experience is so fun and so san francisco!

michelle had her birthday while she was here! we celebrated with grace cathedral yoga and then in north beach with swoon-worthy food and a trip to the roof for a sparkly view.
christyn used to live here in the city and she worked for the national parks service, so she knew some neat spots to take us in marin. we hiked along the most gorgeous coastal trail to a secluded beach called pirate’s cove. seriously. the heat was toasty and delicious and the picnic spot unrivaled.

it was even warm enough to swim in the ocean, which was exhilarating and salty!

christyn could also get us into muir woods for free! we went at the perfect time of day – the light through the redwoods was stunning. there’s something sacred-feeling in that lush slice of nature.

the girls helped with prep and added loads of awesome to our house party that weekend. look how color-coordinated we are! it was so fun to have them among the guests at our rockin’ autumn celebration.

what wonderful human beings i have to call my friends. i am so glad these three made the trek west and that i could have some stellar adventures with them.

meet the roomies

2011-11-06T01:26:00.001-07:00

i have great roommates and i am thankful for them. a few weeks ago we threw a harvest/autumn themed party. we had a carmel apple bar with dozens of toppings, donut-on-a-string competitions, candles and luminaries and twinkle lights, and a rockin’ dance floor. it was pretty wild.

after staying up so so late, the next morning at 8am we went to check out the half moon bay pumpkin festival together. i love that my roomies would roll out bed and head down the coast with me. rad girls i’ve got here in this house.

we busted out some sweet moves to the country music. a few weeks before this we were all at a big dance birthday party and i realized how much i scored with roommates when i saw my roomies were the ones breaking a sweat really dancing while others tapped their feet on the sidelines.

these prize-winning pumpkins weigh nearly a ton each! we met up with our friend marcie.

we ate pumpkin pancakes and pumpkin smoothies for breakfast and then decided to try some pumpkin mac n cheese and pumpkin pizza for lunch! mmmmboy.

i really do feel so blessed to live with these roll-outta-bed-dance-your-guts-out girls. living with roommates (and i’ve had such stellar ones) is a great component of single life, don’t you think?

my 2nd annual fleet week

2011-11-03T23:48:00.001-07:00

since i have lived in the city by the bay over the year, i can now make fabulous san francisco events annual traditions. as much as i adore doing new things, there is something really great about doing the same thing over again, remembering and improving.

josephine and i watched the fleet week air show together last year, so we planned to get together again this year to enjoy the energy of the city and oooh and aaahhh at the blue angels in the blue sky. we met at the ferry building and the streets were throbbing with people and excitement. it seems like everyone is out and about enjoying life and sf during fleet week. we walked along the piers and when we got to 39, i demanded that jo ride the carousel with me.

i kind of have a thing for carousels. i couldn’t pass it up! here’s jo’s “i-can’t-believe-i’m-doing-this-with-you-(but-i’m-really-deep-down-loving-it)” face:

they had this turney thing on the carousel (already a turney thing itself) like the teacups at disneyland. we decided to forgo the horses and spin. holey smokes. i haven’t giggled and squealed that much in a really long time. we were going so fast and could hardly breathe we were laughing so hard.

the planes started doing their thing as we walked along the harbor. we stopped at in-n-out for a burger, which is just what we did last year too. seriously, i think those $2.50 treasures are heaven.

we took the cable car to a rooftop going away party for josephine’s childhood friend and my new friend marissa. she is moving to spain! all the way up the steep hills the planes whooshed overhead and people stood with open jaws and bent necks along the sidewalk.

the party had some pretty sweet views, the weather was glorious, and the show was amazing!

there were so many people out on their roofs. it was neat to look out and see everyone up high enjoying.

after the show, jo and i walked down crooked lombard street to golden boy pizza and ate in washington square park. it was perfect!

then, after sunset i met kelsey at our secret rooftop to watch the fleet week fireworks. well, turns out they set those sparklers off muuuuch later than we thought. so – we sat and talked on the roof for a couple hours, huddled close to keep warm. it was weirdly fun, pleasant and happy. and, of course, the views were breathtaking!

that tall building on the very right is where the battery kiosk where i work is. man, i love this city.

we finally gave up on the fireworks and headed home, and just then they started exploding in the sky, so we walked down the street marveling.

sometimes i really think i wouldn’t mind if i had my 35th or 50th annual fleet week in san francisco; yes, sometimes it feels like i should never, ever leave this city!

hardly, strictly

2011-10-27T22:02:00.001-07:00

every october, there is a huuuuuuge, twangy but august, sensational (thanks to the copious music and weed), and absolutely free bluegrass festival in golden gate park. it. is. rad. how could it not be with a name like hardly strictly bluegrass??

the first saturday in october, i rode my bike (!!! more on that later) to the park after general conference (!!!! i love it almost as much as christmas) and met up with kelsey, a genuine bluegrass aficionado. the place was packed with people, young and old, frumpy and fabulous, sweet and sour, high and tipsy…lots of hippies. the atmosphere was unparalleled in its unique, gritty brand of goodness and energy. everything felt organic, including an inner contentment in my beating heart.

we got to see patty griffin, one of my all-time favourite artists perform up-close and live. she was fantastic; i could have sat there listening to her sing forever. everyone was just really truly enjoying the sweetness of harmonies and cadences and expression.

the weather was gorgeous and the sky was outrageously blue. and of course there were some wierdies wandering around. i love them.

we saw gillian welch, who has become one of my new music loves, and her adorable guitarist (i have a major crush) perform. we elbowed our way to the front and asked if we could sit on some people’s tarp. at the end she sang “i’ll fly away” and the whole crowd sang along with her, bathed in sunshine. it felt somehow so freeing crooning with everyone else, and when we stood up and turned around at the end we realized “everyone else” was tens of thousands stretched at least a quarter of a mile back. the sea of humans was just incredible. i love crowds, and this was one of the best.
{check out the sweet grandma in the foreground of the pic on the right – really there were all kinds of people there!}

even outside the official venue space there were performers along the park roads plucking and belting it out. it’s like there was this little bubble of hippieish, ruddy electricity over golden gate park that day. i rode my bike through the park to the beach, singing “i’ll fly away” out loud as the sun went to sleep and left us with a spectacular goodnight. i turned one corner at the end of the park at was hit in the face with the smell of the sea and it was intoxicating. as i cruised along the great highway, i squealed with delight at the sunset and the light and the colors and the perfect-happy tingling in my fingers and toes. it was one of those moments {the i’m-not-sure-i-could-be-one-ounce-happier kind}. i biked past joggers and hollered, “it’s gorgeous, no?!?” and they chuckled.

now, recalling that slice of euphoria, i remember those moments will always come to carry me through and keep me feeling like life is freaking awesome. hardly, strictly awesome.

when the lights go down in the city…

2011-10-25T23:05:00.001-07:00

…and the {moon} shines on the bay…
oh i want to be there, in my city!
wooo ohh ohhhh ohhh ooooooh…

that journey song is what they play during the seventh inning stretch at giants games. i loved my first experience watching america’s favourite pastime at at&t park. it’s about a fourth as awesome as fenway park, which means it is pretty wicked cool. we got cheap craigslist tickets, the gigantes won, the weather was so mild and kind, i danced between innings and belted “take me out to the ball game,” and the wave went around the stadium without a break at least seven times. i think that certainly makes for a good baseball game.

speaking of the lights in the city and the shining bay, a couple days earlier rachael threw a bridal shower at her apartment which has stellar views for our dear bride mccaye. we enjoyed treats, presents and that certain brand of sticky sweetness that is only at showers…with the city and bay glittering out the window. mccaye is the greatest; i’m so happy for her; it was a delight to be with all these rad girls.

runnin’ just as fast as we can

2011-10-21T20:22:00.001-07:00

when asked, “do you want to run the napa valley ragnar relay practically for free with a bunch of strangers?” i said an emphatic “yes!”

an old friend of my sister’s from college sent me a facebook message in august, knowing i lived in the bay area, asking me if knew any runners because her ragnar team was desperately looking for a replacement for a drop-out. i said, “i’ll do it!” and a few weeks later i got picked up at 4am by a car-full of cute moms from walnut creek ready to run.

it was so stinking fun. 198 miles, 30.5 hours, practically no sleep, looooads of laughs and tons of singing and dancing to classic catchy music thanks to our team name:

i was in this van with five great girls, none of whom i had ever met before, and we became fast friends and had a blast. i just loved the whole relay experience, and i felt on a high the whole time, even when i was so tired. yes, we had a fantastic time, even though there were moments when we really felt like we were:

we each ran three legs, and luckily i got pretty easy ones: 3 miles, 5 and half, 3 miles. we started at 5am at the golden gate bridge and while one girl ran, the rest of us followed her in the van, making stops to cheer and give water. i was so full of adrenaline that i ran much faster than my usual pace and i felt so alive and aware of my body and thrilled. it was such a rush. we started at the golden gate bridge before the sun came up. i was runner 5, and here i am before my first leg, marci running in to pass on the baton:

at the major exchange points (where our 6 passed off to the other van of 6 on our team) there was a lot of people and a lot of excitement. and free peanut butter and jelly sandwiches…

after cheering our other van on to start their 6 legs, we laid down in the park and relaxed!:

we also happened to get our keys locked in the car. did you know instead of calling a locksmith you can just call the local fire department? we certainly made quite a spectacle when the fire engine rolled up at the major exchange point and the firemen wedged in to unlock the car (setting the alarm off in the meantime, of course):

pretty soon it was our turn to run again, and the weather was beautiful, and we were happy:

we got really good at making tunnels for our runners to go through and cheering them on along their runs:

my second leg was near sunset, and then we slept for a couple of hours (hardly) on the floor of a middle school gym, woke up at 2am and started running again:

i loved the night run – it felt so peaceful and quiet and neat under the stars in the middle of nowhere. and after lots of cheering, a little puking, and some quick dance parties along our routes, we finished all of our legs right as the sun came up:

we decided we wanted ihop, so we ended up on a extremely windy and extremely gorgeous mountain road in the first hours of day, and then we ate like queens. we went to the finish line and prepared for a triumphant finish for the ladies from the 80s:

we literally danced across the finish line. we jumped in with anna (our last runner) for the last few hundred yards and sang/screamed together, “running just as fast as we can, holding onto one another’s hands, trying to get away into the night…” shakin’ our booties all the way. at that point we had literally no energy, but somehow we sang/danced/ran/celebrated our guts out. it was pretty fantastic.

yes, we were running just as fast as we could, all niiiight long, even though every now and then we fell apart and were living on a prayer. it’s true that girls just wanna have fun, so we said “just wake me up before you go-go” and we beat it, just beat it, like a total eclipse of the heart. it took our breath away, but we had the time of our lives!
p.s. billie jean is not my lover.

a farewell tea party

2011-10-18T18:06:00.000-07:00

one of my sf besties moved back to utah in september. i was so sad to see nikki leave the city. i kind of begged her to stay…but a new and right adventure was awaiting her. on the sunday before her move, we had a nikki’s-best-sf-girls-tea-party to celebrate our friendship with this stellar girl. nikki is crazy about herbal tea, so we asked everyone to bring their own mug and she shared her dozens of flavors, and we had little tea sandwiches and tea cakes. we sat around and had girl talk (two engagement stories from the attendees!!) and enjoyed our time with a dear, wonderful, departing friend.

then, of course, we took loads of pictures!

i think there are few blessings in life more sweet and lovely than good girlfriends. i’ve found such fantastic girls everywhere i’ve gone, and i’m so grateful.

bleak beauty

2011-10-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

on labor day, kelsey and i went to pt reyes. i couldn’t ask for a better bay area adventure buddy than kels. like me, she likes doing stuff, and she’s pretty much always up for anything.

one of our conversations while exploring was about the searing beauty of bleak landscape – and how we loved the sweeping vistas we saw that weren’t lush or flourishing but so gorgeous in a raw, earnest way. indeed, a lot of things in life are bleak but somehow the most beautiful…

pictures by kelsey (who likes to stay behind the camera and photograph me until i drag her out by asking park rangers to snap one of both of us):

we saw so many elk and one bone-fide, hissing elk fight! of course i had to try on the antlers.

i loved our blustery, wild, foggy adventure on a little golden peninsula jutting into the open sea. there was hardly anyone else there. it was good for the soul.

one wonderful sunday

2011-10-12T19:12:00.001-07:00

some of my loveliest friends were in the bay area for a wedding over labor day weekend. they came into the city on sunday and it was so fun to spend the day with them and other pals of the bride & groom. we had a picnic in golden gate park and i took everyone to go see the dahlia garden. i got a little flack for my drama when i said they would just die when they saw the spectacular flowers, but they were pretty dazzled.

lisa and jen are two of my absolute favity faves.

i met these girls during my semester at byu, and i think they all are extraordinary.

not sure whose idea these poses were, but i’m so happy about them.
i’m pretty sure i helped god create dahlias before the world began. i love love love them.

we also had to say a quick windy hello to the ggb…check out the hair salad in this pic!

church+picnic+dahlias+dear friends+new friends+the golden gate bridge+laughing over evening crepes=one of the most wonderful sundays ever.

monterey

2011-10-09T23:26:00.001-07:00

my girls nikki and laura and i went to see the world-famous monterey bay aquarium on the saturday of labor day weekend. i had been itching to go see those jellies for months! and they did not disappoint. the aquarium was neato, and the mini-roadtrip was just such a fun little adventure!

in this tank there was a great white shark and a ginormous alien-looking mola fish, but my favourite part was definitely the sardines darting around like crazy – a flashy swimming ballet of thousands of fish!

here we are inside a clam, clearly. we were blown away with all the cool, beautiful things to see.

outside the aquarium there were loads of seals lounging on the beach. we also saw some otters out at sea!
we had a yummy lunch in the adorable town of monterey overlooking the sun and ocean.

the weather worsened and worsened, but that didn’t stop us from exploring pretty beach alcoves and cruising the 17-mile drive to carmel. what a sweet california day.

back to sf – the shum-way

2011-10-06T21:56:00.001-07:00

well, i’m still in love with san francisco. i did leave my heart here over the summer. it’s been fun finding it in nooks and crannies of the city.

i came back to the bay the same weekend my sister saydi and her family (the shumways) were in town. i was so excited all summer to have them in san fran. sayd, toddler emmeline and baby peter and i had an adventure driving around pt. reyes, and the next day i got to show the whole fam the city i adore. that night hazel (my soulmate-niece) and i had a sleepover at my house and i got to show saydi some neat spots in the mission before the shumways headed off to a wedding in the east bay.

boy howdy it was a blast to have them here. that’s right, boy howdy.

i think my sister saydi is the one person in the world that i share the most genes with, and my niece hazel might be second. i like the other shuways a lot too. oh it was dreamy! we were so excited about being together that we just got a few iphone snaps here and there…

conservatory of flowers (sheesh i love those dahlias):
this is hazel and my signature “i feel alive" pose. we love life the same.

dolores park where we enjoyed views + ike’s sandwiches and later + bi-rite ice cream. oh my!:

chinatown, where i showed the kids the fortune-cookie factory (a big hit, and peter’s first treat!):

my beloved rooftop in north beach:

apparently the view looks like this when you are 7 years old and 4 feet high…

we got peter this froggy hat from untion square street vendors. is your heart a puddle??
the only picture we got of all of us – sorry charlie, the only part of you we can see if your hand!
the weather was absolutely, unabashedly, completely perfect.

china beach for a dinner picnic:

the shumways do the same pose for pictures wherever they go all over the world … they are neat.

and the next morning at clarion alley in the mission:

if “i feel alive” is hazel and my signature pose, the squat is saydi and my signature pose. so cute.

settling back into the city the shum-way was a dang good way. i love them, i love them, i love them. and a year later, i love san francisco!

baby v

2011-10-03T22:29:00.001-07:00

the first thing i did when i got home to salt lake was go see my dear dear dear (we’re talking really one of the very top of all time) friend catherine’s new baby. back in england on august 20 i got an email from cath’s husband bert saying she was going into labor, and then in edinburgh i got pictures of the newborn and nearly began weeping in the hostel lobby. i told everyone in the uk that one of my bestest friends just had a baby, and as soon as i landed in utah i was itching to get baby boy blue in my arms.

abby (another of my most beloved friends in all the world) and i brought breakfast to bert, cath, and baby samuel peter van uitert. bert answered the door with babe in arms and i immediately snatched him up. when i saw cath as i held her child, i felt like sobbing. is there any greater or more stunning miracle than this?! it’s a bit of human experience that transcends all else and in that new baby heaven meets earth.

being with a best friend and her newborn is excruciatingly beautiful.

we got the full run-down on labor and delivery and ate and cooed at sammy and laughed and then made bert take a dozen or so pictures. i can’t decide which ones i like best so you get to see a good hearty handful.

i generally try to avoid posting hideous pictures of myself on my blog, but i couldn’t help myself on this one <—because look how incredibly cute baby v looks. he is such a good baby and i adored every single tiny little thing about him, especially that he is half cath and half bert.

there is something so sweetly warm and wonderful about being with friends like these at such a life-defining time as this. i'd been dreaming of this breakfast all summer and being with abby and cath and samuel was heart swelling and day-long happy sigh worthy.

where the air is thick and opaque

2011-10-02T21:36:00.001-07:00

on the way to manhattan from the airport i tried to count how many times i have been to new york city. i lost count around 25. it is absolutely amazing to me that even after all those visits, i am enamored and smitten by nyc every single time. it gets under my skin, that new york magic, and tickles me pink.

one perk to going somewhere iconic that you’ve been to many times before is that you don’t have to stress about fitting all the must-dos in. my day in nyc was so relaxing and i just went wherever i wanted without any worry about seeing this or that. i did a lot of walking, all the while marveling at the love i have for this great city that gets a little buried when i am away but surfaces so quickly and with panache when i’m back.

i went to the met to enjoy some time on the rooftop (one of my all-time favourite views on earth) and figured i might as well stop by to see some old friends while i was at it:
the impressionism and modern exhibits really do feel like chums i haven’t seen in a while and am happy to reconnect with. those rooms are so dandily familiar to me, and i love the warm feeling of being wrapped up in art.

then, to the roof! it was so hot and humid that i couldn’t spent tooo much time up there, but i was pretty much the only one around since the museum had just opened, and i reveled in the view and loved the current exhibit.

my brother tal (who lives in new york with his expecting wife! – she was in switzerland) and i walked through central park and past the bethesda fountain during his lunch break. the park was buzzing with summer fun and the air was wet and sweet; thick and opaque. we walked to lincoln square where we parted ways and i continued my lazy stroll, breathing in new york and pushing through jet lag and thinking about my trip. my brother is one of the coolest people on the planet. seriously, if you knew him you would agree.

i met up with my dear old friend lizzie for lunch at the shake shack. in all those visits to new york, i had never been to the shake shack, which is, if you ask some people, quite the travesty. the burger was fantastic, and the sitting-on-the-back-patio-talking-with-a- beloved-friend-i-hadn’t-seen-in-years was even better. there is something so gorgeously comforting about catching up with someone who knows exactly where you came from, with whom you can remember memories back to junior high.

and then it was talking with tal, a subway ride to the airport, and back to utah, a little extra new york city pumping through my veins.

“i like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque” –adele
”nyc, there’s something about you” –annie
“if i can make it there, i can make it anywhere” –frank
”concrete jungle where dreams are made of” –jayz
….let’s hear it for new york, new york, new york

edinburgh II - dreamy

2011-09-30T19:32:00.001-07:00

my second day in edinburgh and my last day over the pond was dreamy in two ways – 1) it was near-unreal fantastic being enchanted by that age-worn, ebullient city; and 2) the travelweariness had finally and firmly settled into my bones. the happy haze that surrounded me was both wonder and exhaustion.

i woke up early and strolled through the princes street gardens, so uncrowded and warm with color and vegetation. look, there was a clock made entirely of flowers!:

then i spent an hour in the scottish national gallery, and fell in love with a new van gogh. i loved how luxe the museum felt - the deep red walls covered with masterpieces.
then it was time to climb the narrow spiral staircase to the top of the sir walter scott memorial.

there were four different landings and the views were sensational! the sun popped out for the first time in days as i stood perched on those ledges, in delicious awe.

in the foreground is waverly station, edinburgh’s train station that is literally right in the middle of the city.
in the background are the famous crags of salisbury – more on them later.

in front and below the castle is the national gallery, where i had just gawked at art.

as i was marveling at the vistas, music was swimming in the air – on one side of the monument a bagpiper puffed away (you saw him in the picture above) and on the other side a jazzy brass band crooned and slid. what a oddly delightful cacophony! the world around me was noisy in the brightest way, and all of edinburgh was under my feet! i loved it.
i headed back to the royal mile to go inside st. giles cathedral:

there i found a much less dissonant symphony of sound: a baroque quartet was playing a free concert under the arches and between the stained glass. the colors in st. giles were almost psychedelic. i just loved the way everything looked – the shades and hues and angles and textures. lush and full and passionate.

outside the cathedral the royal mile continued to pulse with outdoor performers and creative advertisements for indoor performances. i wish i had all the crazy costumes i saw documented. people come up with neat ideas, and i love how in edinburgh in august, they go all out.

i thought the first unicycle juggler was pretty neato, but then this other guy stole the thunder with flames.

check out that banjoist’s passion for the music!

costumes and an opera singer: she was actually astonishingly talented!
i hopped onto my open-top bus and cruised to the crags of salisbury on the outskirts of town just as it began to rain:

they call this path up the side of the cliffs the “radical road.” i was so tired. but the views were pretty rad.

that building in the foreground is where the queen stays when she comes to edinburgh: hollyrood palace.

self-timer from a rock. yes, i know i am amazing at getting those shots!

stormy last overlook of the city – settled a somehow pleasant melancholy in my heart as i stood on top of a scottish cliff realizing that my epic adventure was so very nearly over.

i gathered my backpack at the hostel, and walked back across the royal mile to waverly station. as i waited to cross a road, i was stopped dead in my tracks by a crystalline moment, an age-worthy slice of time. it was as if i could see myself from above in the waves of sights, sounds, smells … just me on an edinburgh corner, surrounded in bagpipe music, a heavy backpack, and the sting of the very last page of a chapter of life. everything whizzed by in a blur, but me in the bubble of myself was strikingly clear and my travels were summed up in a feeling of triumph and sweet exhaustion and i sucked all my senses in as i walked slowly down to the train station.

train to galway, walk to bus terminal, bus to the airport, plane to dublin, sleep on a bench in the dublin airport, plane to new york city, bus to manhattan, subway to the upper east side, walk across the street into the arms of my brother. i was ready to be back, awakened from the good, good dream.

edinburgh I - impulses

2011-09-28T21:26:00.001-07:00

edinburgh is bewitching, and the minute i said goodbye to beez on the street corner and headed for my hostel in the shadow of the castle on the hill, i was under its spell. i was so excited to see the city that i quickly checked in and changed my clothes and hit the streets. this afternoon and evening in edinburgh was full of impulse turned brilliant decisions.

i saw a sign in the hostel for tickets for the open top bus and thought, what the heck, i’ll get a quick overview of the city. i bought one, hopped outside and onto one of these:

to see lots of enchanting views under stormy, gloomy skies, like this:

and then i quickly chose to meander up streets like this:

until i got here:

and man oh man, the royal mile was alive. i came to edinburgh right in the thick of the edinburgh international festival, which attracts roughly 1 million visitors every year from around the globe. there are all kinds of theater, art, dance, music and comedy performances going on the entire month of august, and best of all for a broke traveler, there is a constant and fantastic stream of street performers doing their thing along the royal mile.

i saw jugglers, comedians, musicians, magicians and people with all kinds of weird but remarkable skills among the shopping stands and cathedrals and cobblestones and history and deep feeling of scotland. the city was pulsing with energy and art and excitement. of course there was a lot of bagpiping going on, and the occasional random costumed person:

there were hoards and hoards of people, all filled with the same brand of thrill and magic that i felt. as evening approached, i noticed a general movement of the crowds up the royal mile toward edinburgh castle. as i followed them i realized they were on their way to the edinburgh military tattoo – the crowing jewel of the festival: a opening-ceremonies-esque display of music, dancing and spectacle.

i had heard about the tattoo but the tickets were so expensive online, and so i figured it was way out of my plans. but, i decided to ask the scalpers on the corner how much they were selling their tickets for, just out of curiosity. 30 pounds. half of what i found online. i hesitated for 10 seconds and then, completely on impulse with a tickle down my spine, i said, “i’ll take it.” and i followed the crowds to the castle.

instantly it was worth every penny!

i walked into the esplanade between the grandstands set up on the castle mount and was completely dazzled and enamored. the castle was lit up with torches; people were buzzing with excitement all around; the views of the city were hazy and dreamy and glimmering. i found my seat among a big group of belgian tourists and sighed such a happy sigh.

the show was spectacular. i can’t tell you emphatically enough how spectacular it was! maybe i cried. maybe i wanted to sob. it was electric. and i couldn’t stop taking pictures!

the bagpipers came out of the castle over the moat in the mist under the indigo sky and i oohed and ahhed with people from all over the planet, just me as an island in the middle of thrill and spectacle. there were marching bands from all over the world, actors and dancers, and at the end we all got to take part by singing together. as per some tradition, we held hands and bounced our arms up and down to the music. the ripple of movement through the grandstand was such a delightful sensation. we were all connected. one of my favourite things was watching the bleachers sparkle as camera flashes went off – it was a constant sparkle from that castle mount that glorious night!

one of the coolest things was watching the castle change with different lighting for different acts/numbers. i kept wowing to myself.

at the very end all of the performers came out together and the noise was powerful and euphoric. that’s when my tears came. the finale after all that sound was a lone piper on top of the castle, then complete dark while the announcer said “scotland, the brave” in a booming voice, and then – fireworks. ahhhhhhh!!!

so can you tell i definitely think my impulse ticket buying was a good idea? i floated back to the hostel, exhausted but ecstatic.

serendipity in edinburgh!!!

wherein purple hue

2011-09-22T21:22:00.001-07:00

i know this post should really be named “tons of pictures of pretty things or me standing in front of pretty things,” but the lyrics from the classic “loch lomond” sound more poetic. sorry, i just couldn’t narrow down the photos any further. deal with it.

those scottish highlands – yowza they are pretty. beez and i spent two nights and a day and half walking through the ruddy green and delicious purple. it was unlike any landscape i have seen and i fell in love. it was a grand adventure: complete remoteness, raw organic beauty, overcast skies and heavy packs, wonder and space, a trillion tiny little bugs, and a lovely feast for the eyes at every turn.

we got to the trailhead after midnight and hiked under the stars for an hour, which i loved. when we woke up in the morning, it was such a treat to see where we were.

this is where we slept our first night: bob scott’s bothy. bothies are mountain huts built and maintained by a non-profit that wants as many people as possible to enjoy the highlands. it was such a fun(ny) sleeping experience, with four very scottish and very tipsy bunkmates!

the inside of the bothy. it was so cozy!

we got our drinking water right out of these crystal clear streams.

graham’s dog ben came along! he was so good.

bothy #2 – second night accommodations.

graham stayed back and i hiked up to this amazing lake and it was just me and mother earth.

that feeling of splendid relief and contentment after a physical journey is one of the best, don’t you think? driving back into the world we came from, i felt so present and inside my body and filled up with beautiful vistas and a new place etched into my life story.

the sky was on fire

2011-09-21T18:47:00.001-07:00

after church in trowbridge, graham picked me up from the reading train station and we headed straight for the highlands of scotland. it was a 9 hour drive: for a girl from the american west, no biggie…for an englishman, a neverending trip to the ends of the earth.

some of the most spectacular sights of my british isles trip were beheld on that drive and they were impossible to capture. i let it all soak in and took some photographs on my heart. driving past the lake district at golden hour was almost more than i could take. so eventually after 15 minutes of insanely gorgeous and resplendent sunset, i demanded from the driver’s seat that graham attempt operating my camera to immortalize the moment. he didn’t do too awesome, but at least i have some type of (pathetically unrepresentative yet physically extant) memorabilia to remember this sunset.

it was otherworldly. i was ecstatic. i was deliriously happy. folksy hymns were coming through the speakers. warmth for my life and my trip and my god was streaming through my heart. i was yelping with glee to an amused graham. something in the rearview mirror caught my eye. a rainbow! a brilliant, hazy yet crystalline, gleaming stripe of hues. i felt almost dizzy. in a conversation i recently had with my aunt, she described beautiful tender mercies from heaven as “kisses on the cheek from god.” this was a spectacular one.

the sky was on fire! and so was my spirit – alive and burning.

“pure beauty striking the summer sky, awe-filled respect absconding with your heart, a feeling of insignificance at the very heart of the sublime, so fragile and swollen with the majesty of things, trapped, ravished, amazed by the bounty of the world.”
-muriel barbery, the elegance of the hedgehog

trowbridge and always within never

2011-09-19T23:15:00.001-07:00

i made my last rounds of mission visiting in the random town of trowbridge, my middle area where i served for 4 months. that period was without a doubt that hardest time of my mission. i endured things i didn’t know i was capable of enduring, and i learned a bit about true, godlike sorrow. i remember sitting in the car with my companion on the worst day of my mission. it was raining outside and for the first and last time as a missionary, i let myself just sit because i couldn’t carry on. we cried and my companion said, “every bit of me is sad.” i am forever and ever grateful for these experiences that hollowed out my heart in a paradoxically beautiful way. i’m so glad for those challenges, which i aimed to experience fully.

that being said (woah, major debbie downer, sorry), i also saw some incredible miracles and had some great times and some outlandishly happy moments serving in trowbridge. i learned so much. in many ways, those 4 months glow the most when i think of the mission. funny how that works.

i got to take a sunday morning stroll around the town all by myself. no one was out and it was so peaceful. everything was so deserted, and so the space was completely filled with memories as i walked around. like no time had passed, i knew my way and remembered knocking on that row of stone houses or meeting someone in that specific spot on the high street. i thought about the way i was stretched during my time in trowbridge, and i grinned.

the part of england where trowbridge sits is so different than the reading area, where i spent the other 14 months of my mission. i really love wiltshire.

this is the turvey family, who i stayed with. they are always, always, the missionaries’ favourite family in trowbridge. their missionary spirit is unrivaled, they are such animated wonderful people, and being back in their house was like coming home. it was so fun to see so many fantastic members in the trowbridge ward.

and this, dear friends, is ruth gray and her darling children. ruth is why i went to trowbridge. we met her one rainy, rainy day on the high street, feeling impressed to contact her even though she was obviously avoiding us. turns out she was a member of the church who hadn’t attended since she was 16. teaching ruth in her home was divine. i remember sitting at her kitchen table, all three of us welling up with tears, recognizing the spirit of god. ruth came back to church and is finding so many blessings in her activity. her countenance has changed. her husband is not a member, and not a fan of the church, and it takes a lot of strength to live like ruth lives. her children will be forever blessed because of her faithfulness. i sat in front of ruth and the kids in sacrament meeting, and from the pew behind me i heard “i am a child of god” being belted out by harriet and patrick, and my heart was a puddle. how i love this family!

on the train back to reading, we passed through bath, a city that i adore. i spent lots of pdays there, bewitched and in love with england. my time in the west of the country was too short!

“thinking back on it, this evening, with my heart and my stomach like jelly, i have finally concluded, maybe that’s what life is about: there’s a lot of dispair, but also the odd moment of beauty, where time is no longer the same. it’s as if those strains of music created a sort of interlude in time, something suspended, an elsewhere that had come to us, an always within never.”
-excerpt from “the elegance of the hedgehog,” by muriel barbery

in grantchester, in grantchester...

2011-09-18T22:46:00.001-07:00

doesn’t this sound like something i would like?:

the orchard tea garden - a corner of england where time stands still as the outside world rushes by. relax and enjoy the genteel setting where more famous people have taken tea than anywhere else in the world. soak up the atmosphere of a bygone age; follow in the footsteps of generations by sharing in the great english tradition of afternoon tea.

miffy and i walked the couple of miles to the little hamlet of grantchester to see the orchard, made legendary by a group of remarkable friends who frequented the place in the last years of the 19th century. poet rupert brooke found the apple grove enchanting and gathered his scholar chums into the “grantchester group,” which included virginia woolf, e.m. forster, bertrand russell, and others. under the apples they discussed, philosophized, shared and created, and since then many have worked to maintain the kindly air of academia and ideas.

walking into the orchard feels almost sacred – i was immediately struck with a sense of reverence for intelligence and art. the scene is unkempt and raw and uncomplicated. there was a philosophy lecture going on under the apples when we arrived, and we drank herbal tea and ate scones in the shade of leaves and centuries of thought gone by. we went and sat by the river and read rupert brooke poetry and basked in the sunshine and wild sweeping landscape, and then walked back to cambridge through the meadows along the cam. it was all so peaceful and blithe.

in grantchester, in grantchester! -
some, it may be, can get in touch
with nature there, or earth, or such…
i only know that you may lie
day-long and watch the cambridge sky,
and, flower-lulled in sleepy grass,
hear the cool lapse of hours pass,
until the centuries blend and blur
in grantchester, in grantchester…
- rupert brooke, “the old vicarage, grantchester”

kissing a stranger	husband
job offer triumph	china
hawaii	career
looslis/shumways/pothiers in sf	eyrealm christmas
early morning ireland drive	parties/cooking/baking
edinburgh military tattoo	fitness
little girl in polochic	surprise
atitlan	self-discipline (time)
biking london	have less fun
temple with diane	pray always
dollhouse parties
nauvoo sparkling
sailing
marin headlands
sara’s visit/last night/wedding
train adventure
batter bubble
disneyland with mckay
o canada in the middle of lake louise
listening to latika’s theme overlooking san fran