can you hear the hallelujah chorus???

after nearly a year and half of applying and interviewing and loads of agonizing, i have finally landed a “real,” full-time (and pretty neat, if i may say so) JOB!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

because of the way it was offered and accepted, and the change that it entails, i’ve consciously taken in this momentous news slowly and actually quite unemotionally, but sometimes when i think about it i want to climb to the top of the highest building in this city and belt out “hallelujah!!!” (to handel’s tune, of course). i feel really grateful and ready and excited and validated and so relieved – and also intimidated and nervous and overwhelmed. but all these things are good and my heart is experiencing a new kind of wondrous peace.

i will be working with brilliant people at innosight institute, a non-profit think-tank working toward cool ventures in educational innovation. my position is temporary for now, and will probably evolve over time. it is such an exciting and well-fitted opportunity for me to learn, gain experience, and contribute where i can.

after all this time wanting, hoping, and praying, i’m not sure how to respond to actually having a job to look forward to starting. sometimes it hasn’t hit me, other times it worries me because it will be such a change, and then there are those moments where i am completely washed over by a wave of gratitude, thrill, relief and bubbly anticipation.

and then there are those moments of that particular brand of harrowing sadness that come when a chapter of life is nearing its end. i’ve felt this turn-the-page sensation over and over, but each and every time it creates a well of emotion, tender preemie nostalgia, tickles of memories and gratitudes and culminating realizations. i’m so glad that in every transition i can think of in my life, i have been true blue sad. bidding farewell to rich (in wonderful and in hard) living creates a pleasing pain.

yes, sometimes i feel like singing the hallelujah chorus at the top of my lungs from the tip-top of the transamerica building, and other times i feel like whispering a sad sad song from one of the many viewpoints i’ve discovered in the city. you see, this new job opportunity necessitates a move – i am leaving san francisco, and it’s like a stinging jab to the heart.

sure, i’ll just be 45 minutes down the peninsula, and i’ll often come up to the city, but it won’t be the same as living here – as living in a metropolis that has stolen my heart and changed my heart. the other day i was walking from work to yoga, down polk street admiring the quirky shops, and i couldn’t breathe i missed it so much already. with the move looming over me, i’m noticing even more that i love about san fran, and it is honestly physically painful to think that the city isn’t as much mine as it has been before. all this really makes me appreciate what this place as done for my spirit. it’s truly amazing what unexplainable things a place can do to your spirit. 

my sister-in-law showed me around pinterest tonight. i’ll never be the same.
my future home is just off the map at the point of the heart.

so, in the next couple of weeks i will soak in all the more: the purple horizon over the ocean that i see when i wake up, the reflection of the moon on the water when i go to sleep, the shining unusual people i interact with on my bus/train commutes to work, the affection from the little ones i nanny, the giddiness i feel being downtown at the kiosk, the adoration i feel for the city as i drive down steep california street face-to-face with the bay bridge in the battermobile, the warmth of coming home to a house and roommates that make me happy, the way the light hits the hills and the corners of this place that i will always love. and then! then, with this new job, my hopes and prayers of so many months will be realized and a new adventure will begin.

hallelujah.