dripping with passion

today on the way to work i felt impressed to listen to the talk "beware of pride," written for a conference of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints by a prophet named ezra taft benson in 1989. i've been impacted by this text previously in my life, particularly as a missionary, and it had been a while since i had read it. it really kicked my butt this morning by helping me to emerge from a wedding-planning-self-absorbed bubble of pride i've realized i'm in. since these words were very impactful for me, i thought it a good idea to share.  the proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. in the words of c. s. lewis: “pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … it is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. once the element of competition has gone, pride

the other day, i found myself in the middle of a vortex of pure excitement... i was just feverish thinking about all the happy things ahead, starting of course with I AM GETTING MARRIED IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! the excitement tornado whirled with i-just-know-they-are-going-to-be-oh-so-lovely wedding details, the tickling joyful anticipation of seeing my family and friends, envisioning tender and sacred and beautiful moments at different wedding events, looking forward to celebrating in texas and california without having to worry about any of the details, the small satisfying victories of our new apartment coming together, the soonness of living with my best friend who is also my lover, oh my gosh i think my wedding dress is so pretty, a lineup of plane tickets to kauai for a belated honeymoon and the east coast for christmas, discussions about where we are going to live next and future adventures, and oh yeah, remember how the autumn and then the holidays are coming

on sunday, i got to go experience a little taste of heaven in my beloved friend abby's brand new baby boy. catherine and i went to the hospital to meet the tiny, perfect boy right before i had to go to the airport to fly back to california. i have to say, i have incredible timing with my dearest friend's babies being born. cath and abby have four kids between them, and i've met all four of them within 50 or so hours of their births, even though i live in a different state! (and have had similar good timing with other friends). it has just always worked out just perfect so i could be there soon after birth, and gosh it is just the sweetest, sweetest thing to be with my friends that are like sisters and their babies. it really feels like heaven. { here , here , and here are my other experiences meeting catherine and abby's babies} i am so grateful for these friends. abby was induced so baby boy would come in time for her family to settle in a bit before my

last saturday was such a wild and super day - i spent it running from appointment to appointment in salt lake city: hair, dress fitting, catering tasting, etc etc. it was busy and exciting and crazy fun. the highlight of the day was attending a shower thrown in my honor by the women of the church congregation i grew up in. i've been going to "ward showers" for fellow church members with my mom since i was a little girl, and at last, it was my turn! these women helped raise me in so many ways - they are like my other moms. through countless primary (program for young children) lessons and young women (youth program) activities, i've learned so very much from the examples of these faithful, bright, serving ladies. they've influenced me for good in a million ways, and i am so grateful! i've also been so positively impacted by their daughters, some of whom were at the shower too. the food was scrumptious, the yard was so lovely, and it was just so much fu

good thing i have a couple more engagement pictures i'd love to share - so here's part two :) it's fun for me to answer wedding questions because it helps me organize my thoughts and priorities and also makes me feel really excited and giddy. i just can't believe that we are twenty days away...ahhhhh! do you wear your wedding dress the day of the sealing and the next day?  in the temple, we wear very specific clothing, which must be all white, have long sleeves, and a pretty high neckline. for this reason, most lds brides do not wear their wedding dress while they are being sealed. i will be sealed in a simple temple dress (i am hoping to add lace from my mom's wedding dress!) and then will change into my wedding dress to come out of the temple and greet our friends and family (both those that were present in the sealing and those that were not). the boy will also change from his temple clothes (all white) into his wedding suit. i feel lucky that i get to we

a couple years ago i had an engaged roommate who came home most days and complained about wedding planning. it was a time in my life when i was aching, carrying around a throbbing hope for what she had, and her whininess really bothered me. i vowed that when i was in her place, i would relish it and never complain. now, i get it. wedding planning is super stressful! especially i think when you are like me - full of preferences and opinions and a fiery desire to find a way to have the best of everything possible. there's a lot of choices and a lot of comparison and a lot of troubles and a lot of tradeoffs. it's just real for me to say that it has been hard for me! BUT i've remembered my vow to myself stemming from my whiney roommate and my earnest longing, and i have been so careful to not complain. because there is such a deep, rich brand of gratitude and joy running through all my veins and synapses, even when they seem clogged with decisions and preferences. i am so

...braided up-dos, gold flatware, ivory bunting, temple dresses, student assessment data, space saving techniques for tiny apartments, barre classes, ranunculus and dahlias, french macarons, online learning accounts, juicing, first dance songs, plastic forks, videography, mini polaroid pictures, bistro lights, spanish translations of web pages, and so many other things that sometimes i feel like it's going to go ahead and exxxxxxplode. i think i'm not very good at being engaged. sometimes i really want this wild time of my life to be over, but i also want to remember its intensity and its rushes of excitement and its washes of gratitude. i think my phone camera roll looks a bit like my brain - crammed and colorful! i am so happy. i am so so very happy. and the peace and assurance that stops any brain exploding is the absolute sweetest. 

on saturday i went to the most fantastic concert at the most wonderful venue with the most awesome girls and - bonus! - also ate the most spectacular pizza. so yeah, it was a really good night. we picked up pizza at the cheeseboard (seriously, the best!) and took it to the greek theater (i'd never been there, and it's just perfect) and had a little picnic before the show started. then! the music and the energy! i've loved the avett brothers for several years and they were so good  and so fun live. the outing was planned to commemorate brittany's birthday, and we sure did celebrate that dear girl. very, very glad she was born. if you've never experienced the avett brother's music, look them up! my favourites are "january wedding," "murder in the city," "i and love and you," and i just found a new one that i love - "life."

over labor day, the boy and i went to utah for a weekend full of wedding planning. it felt like total frenzy pretty much the entire time. planning a wedding from a few states away in just a few short months is a little wild. things started to come together, other things totally fell apart, and new things cropped up. my mom and my sister saren and niece eliza were the best helpers, devoting their entire weekend to wedding prep. like i've mentioned before, i'm learning a lot from this experience and trying to relish the uniqueness of this chapter of life. our three days in utah included: -a suit fitting for the boy, during which we got a call from his mom, who was picking up the invitations...and the return address was misprinted! ahhh! it was a bit crazy trying to figure out what to do next, and our awesome friend who owns the suit company that is making the suit was so patient and helped us to stay lighthearted about it :) -an invitation addressing party with my sister a

holy cow! the last week has been totally crazy (hence the not blogging). lots of busyness at work, wedding planning frenzy (more on that later), and all the complexities of moving -- phew!  last night was my first night sleeping in the apartment the boy and i will share after our wedding, and despite the fact that i was surrounded in boxes and the place is in serious need of a deep clean, it felt so good and felt already like home. i am very excited about starting our life together.  the other day as i was driving home from work, a million things buzzing through my head, i just had a stop-in-my-tracks moment remembering that so many of my fondest, deepest dreams are coming true - in more beautiful ways that i could have ever hoped for. i smiled wildly and widely all the way home, with totally tickling giddiness in my tummy.  last week, before the boy and i headed to utah for a huge labor day weekend o' wedding planning, we went to the santa cruz beach boardwalk to cel