last night i could not sleep. every part of my body was heavy and weary and forlorn, and all the crevices of my spirit were filled with longings and yearnings and yet unfulfilled righteous desires. i was thinking about a future living room with a deep tufted couch and a funky rug scattered with toys and a coffee table stamped with small sticky fingerprints.
this morning when my alarm wailed that i needed to get to work, all i wanted was to find a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream and snuggle in for a full day of eating out of the carton, watching romcoms and reading “anne of green gables.” i so, so, so intensely didn’t want to leave my bed or go to work or face the day. i thought of every possible scenario that would somehow allow me to stay and wallow.
and then - i got up, got dressed, said a prayer, ate raw oatmeal with figs and almond milk, drove to work belting along to a sad patty griffin song, went to my meeting and sat myself down at my desk, pining for a lunch break. because i had to keep moving.
life just keeps moving. internal heaviness doesn’t engender external delay. i must keep moving by finding and re-finding motivating notions to propel. thinking about happy things, those little gleaming nuggets of goodness that are all around but often faded into the background when day-to-day seems grueling, is often my fuel to keep me chugging. here’s a little list for this sluggish fight of a morning:
10 september 2012 happy things:
mormons – this weekend was stake conference (meaning, all the congregations [wards] in our area got together in one huge church meeting). the messages shared were inspiring, but just being in the company of so many people with earnest desires to be good and find happiness was even more inspiring. i was just overwhelmed with the peace and love that comes from truth and the grand blessing of being a part of a stalwart community focused on family and faith.
the bulletin board in the stake center is full of pictures of young men and young women sharing their favorite scriptures, and a map showing where missionaries in the stake are serving. our leaders encouraged us to remember god’s love and to be more kind and forgiving in our daily lives and to more actively serve in our communities. babies fussed through the two hours and we all sang beautiful, simple hymns together and i thought man, it’s so great to be a mormon.
after church, a bunch of the girls in my ward that live in our little east palo alto neighborhood met up for a picnic potluck in the park. it was breezy and sunny. everyone brought some delightful food to share. i laid on a blanket and felt blown away by how awesome these women are.
last night we had a meeting last night just for young single adults in the bay area. i loved seeing so many people that i love from my lives in san francisco and palo alto. we were all gathered there together, wholesome and bright-eyed, because we love god and we want to follow his advice for a happy life. isn’t that just so great?!
food – as i’ve been practicing mindful eating and savoring, i’ve loved examining the beauty of a berry or enjoying the crunch of a nut – food is so amazing. god created so many different tastes and colors and textures for us to experiment with and it’s just fantastic.
family – i went to sunday dinner at my cousins ben and ashley’s house in fremont yesterday. i love them, i love being in their home, i love that they are just right across the dumbarton bridge, i love their cute cute kids that get excited when i come. i love their healthy cooking and talking with them about life and family and happy things.
my sisters and mom and i write emails to each other almost every day. they’re the best.
living in the bay area – i usually drive home from work via the scenic route. highway 280 (pictured above) winds through golden and sage and pine foothills and at 6:30pm the evening is always kind and lovely.
i spent saturday in the city doing and seeing things i’ve never done or seen before and my love affair with san francisco deepened all the more, and i felt so colorful. that report coming next!