ripping up inside

she became herself with tears

i spent most of this weekend in earnest, velvet rumination. i sat on my bed for hours, the soft early summer sun slanting through the blinds, and prayed and thought and wrote and pondered. i called parents and siblings and friends and took notes on their perspectives and advice. i read old journals of my own and wise words of others and i shed some heavy, opaque tears. and in the evenings i had conversations that made me rip deep inside of myself, through all the veins and muscles and tendons of my life experience, really.

in the past few days, i have felt so harrowingly burdened and so excruciatingly enlightened. i’m continually amazed at how the good and the hard of mortality are intertwined.

is there something on my back- a-sinner-like-me

i want to share more about what i’m learning soon, but for today here are two small, golden thoughts, one from jeffrey r. holland and one from my wise sister saydi:
remember, in this world everyone is to walk by faith.
working takes less effort than doubting.

{the artwork above is by my dear childhood/teenagehood friend caitlin connolly. i’m in love with it. and below is a painting from one of my all-time favourites, brian kershisnik. i believe in those angels.}



  1. i love all of those paintings and i love you!

  2. Glad you thought to call me to Char. Means a lot. :)

  3. have you read what Dan Savage has to say about "rounding up" and the "price of admission?" might help

  4. Such a wise woman to take your thoughts, hopes, dreams and doubts to both prayer and asking those whom you love and trust. They care so deeply for you and will not steer your wrong.

  5. Sad to see you so sad,
    hope you feel better soon.

  6. You and me. virtual "brown couch" time. Coming soon to a theater near you. Can't wait.

  7. This art is simply spectacular! Such personifications of what you are experiencing right now. You're going to come out on top of the world!

  8. I have been checking back to two days wondering what news you had and if you were okay. wondering if this was about "the boy" cuz i want you to be find your love and have babies. haha! thanks for all your wise insight and sharing.

  9. This artwork is so stunning. Thank-you for sharing. Found you from Shawni and love your blog!


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