24 June 2013

the girls by the bay

the pledge class brunched together on saturday in the city. we caught up about jobs and boys. we ate strawberry rhubarb hazelnut pancakes and banana coconut macadamia french toast and giggled in the corner table. we realized it has been nearly three whole years since we moved to san francisco, all within a month of each other. and then, naturally, we found a cool mint colored wall around the corner and had a lil photo shoot.

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i love these girls by the bay.

7 comments :

  1. I'm sure somewhere in those cute girls there are some nice qualities, but why are you girls as old as you are without boyfriends or husbands? I mean, you've probably had more than your fair share of decent guys come in your lives. Is it because of your career choices? Is it because you believe you can control your destiny with a man the way you can control getting an education and a job? You can't by the way. Do you think you are 'special'? Or better than others? What is so different about you girls that makes you think that offer something different or unique that is worth waiting around for decades to find someone? Having a standard is one thing, having unrealistic expectations is another. What planet are you living on? The planet of eternal dating or 'just friends' or 'he's not good enough for me'? Hopefully it wasn't your parents who inflated your egos to the point where you truly believe that you are somehow better than other girls who knew what they want, recognized it when something close to it came along, knew it wasn't perfect, and also knowing that anything worth having is worth taking a risk for.

    Looking at you girls, well women now, it's clear you have unmet needs and desires, and you are just putting on a nice show for the camera, pretending that the superficial things you have in your lives are actually making you happy. That in 5 or 10 years, or at the end of your old maid lives that you will really believe that everything was worthwhile, and that your independence, or careers, or whatever it is you believe is more important in your life right now was not an act of complete selfishness, but just fine and dandy. That it's good for women to be men, and to lose their femininity proving their 'strength'. You realize you only have so many years left before you can't have children right? I hate to be your dose of realism, but as your friend I can clearly see you're just not GETTING it. So sad to see how feminism's biggest accomplishment is a lot of lonely women and men. Good job, keep it up, you're so much better than every other girl out there.

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  2. dear anonymous,

    i'm completely positive that if you knew any of the four of us at all, you'd quickly rescind your criticism. i can confidently speak for myself and my dear three friends pictured here in that we are not anywhere remotely close to your characteristic of "truly believing we are somehow better than other girls who knew what they want." all four of us are working, with all our hearts and guts in fact, toward taking that risk you speak of, very willing to give up career, ideals and any superficial thing. indeed, without doubt, all of us believe there is nothing more important in our lives than having families of our own. (and, in fact, we talked at this very brunch about how painfully we realize that we only have so many years left before we can't have children!)

    i am honestly quite astounded by how quickly someone can judge, and can only say, oh dear anonymous, if you only, only knew!!

    -charity

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  3. Wow! How stunning to see how the world looks through other's uninformed eyes! "Judge not that ye be not judged! Nice comeback Charity!

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  4. As one of the girls pictured here, and a face frequently featured on the blog, I feel the need to chime in and echo Charity's comments- if you only, only knew! First you assume that we think we are better than other girls. I can assure you this is far from the truth. In fact, we, like many other girls, suffer from anxieties and some devastating insecurities. As your post has shown, many people inside the church, and out, imply and act like singles are somehow broken, lesser, inferior. It is a false narrative that far too often we internalize, and which does not in anyway improve our situation. And to assume that any of us are simply passing up the blessings of marriage because we are too picky is naive, and ignores the many heartbreaks, rejections, and disappointments that I can promise you we have all passed through.

    I can attest to the fact as well that, unlike you assert, none of us is in this position because we have chosen our careers or other (as you might claim them to be) selfish pursuits. Simply, we have enthusiastically pursued our passions in the absence of other options. I know that Heavenly Father wants us to use our time and talents to improve ourselves and our communities, and to contribute to the world. Call it feminism, or what have you, but we just don't see a point in sitting idly and passively by, thinking that our lives only begin when we have found a man.

    All of the single women I know talk constantly of those deepest, more earnest desires for companionship and marriage and I know that we are doing everything in our power to pursue those goals. It is those same women who are some of the kindest, more unselfish people that I have ever met- qualities forged in that crucible of loneliness and longing. I am happy for you that you seem to be writing from a place where you solved this eternal question early on, but the path is different for everyone, and it does not demonstrate a lack of work, faith or understanding on an of our parts.

    Lastly, to say that our lives are superficial or meaningless because we are not married is hurtful to me and to everyone who reads this, and that attitude is hurtful to everyone you come into contact with. I can promise that even though I am single, my life is indeed rich and beautiful and has value, just as Charity speaks about so often on this blog. I have a deeply satisfying and ever growing relationship with God as I depend on him through these trials, and I have loving and poignant relationships with those around me. I am a good daughter and sister, a good friend, and a good saint. Someday I will be a good wife and a good mother- in fact, I know that I will be an amazing wife and mother, due in part to how much I have grown and matured through this time. I can say confidently that I am extremely grateful for everything that I have and do experience and I can testify that my life is exactly, and will be exactly, what God has planned for me. I hope that you GET IT.

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  5. I don't even know Charity personally, but I have to say that Anonymous sounds shockingly judgmental and close-minded! And hateful! Why would anyone assume that (young!) women you don't know of 27 or 28 years old aren't married because they're too picky or have big egos!? That is just nuts. And PS - I'm newly engaged...at 31! Time for someone to broaden his or her worldview!

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  6. Dear anonymous,

    I don't know Charity personally, and I've only been following her blog for a couple of weeks now, but one thing has become evident to me about her: there's nothing in the world that she wants more than to be a wife and mother. So I have honestly no idea where you get the idea that she feels she's "too good" for anyone, or that she places her career before relationships.

    Personally, though, I will not settle for any guy because he likes me and because I have a desperate need to start a family: you'll (hopefully) be spending the rest of your life with your husband, so you have to feel a connection, and a desire to share your life with that one special person. For some people it's easy to find such a person, for others it's very difficult. You can call that "high standards", but I think it's something innate, it's not something you can help. You can't just go, "oh, I think I expect too much in a partner, let's just take the next guy that comes along." It'll make you unhappy. And an unhappy person is an unhappy wife and mother. Besides, you base your idea of a good husband on the example your dad sets - most of the time. And Charity seems to have a pretty darn great dad, and it's hard to find his equal. So Charity: don't settle. Go for nothing but the best, because that in the end will make you most happy. I hope you're still together with the Boy, because he seems pretty much incredibly awesome!

    Moreover, on a more general note: what about women who do not feel the need to become a mother? According to you, anonymous, their lives are completely worthless. What about women who truly find happiness in being alone, and independent? What about women who are unable to conceive? Are they just a waste of oxygen?

    Plus, you talk about "not having many years left before you can't have children". Charity's only 27! I know that in her church that's relatively late to "still" be single, but there's still a whole world to discover! She has a good 8 to 10 years to go before she needs to really start worrying (and 8-10 years, that's 1/3 the age she is now! No need to stress!). It's not smart to settle just because you feel your biological clock ticking, that's nonsense.

    Charity, you seem awesome and wonderful, and I hope you can just ignore anonymous' comment. It seems to me that (s)he needs to justify his/her own actions, and that (s)he settled instead of waiting for the one that makes him/her truly happy.

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  7. Interesting comments on the first Anonymous comment on what was essentially a benign post. I semi-randomly found this blog through various links.

    I feel the urge to say things, but everything has been well said. I hope Anon finds his way safely out of his own nethers. Eating those nasty words will surely lead trouble later.

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