giving things up, and storing the good

note: i was so amused by the guessing comments in my last post, that i decided to wait a bit to write about my real husband list. i'd love to hear more of your guesses or general thoughts about marriageable qualities - leave me a comment!

i have decided to give two things up for lent. i figured that posting about them on my blog may give me some extra accountability to make sure i follow through. those two things are:
1. using my computer in bed 
{sometimes the broken part of me just craves the numbing of curling up in bed for a date with the netflix or blogs or pinterest. it's not who i am and not who i want to become.}
2. using my phone while driving
{instead, i'm going to listen to the mormon channel and good music, pray out loud, and call loved ones whenever i'm in the car. my phone is going to stay in my bag.}

on a pretty much (but maybe not entirely?) unrelated note, i've become quite obsessed with succulents lately. they are so pretty and unique and whimsical and lovely. i've learned some things about succulents that make me like them beyond their aesthetics, and think about what this bit of nature can teach me.
-succulents store water in their leaves. when things are good and moisture is plenty, they save some for later, when things aren't as good, and the goodness they stocked up gets them through.
-succulents are incredibly resilient, and can recover quickly when they may have wilted with just a little water and sunlight. they have adapted to thrive in conditions that most plants cannot endure.
-succulents can grow on the ground, or on a wall, or on a ceiling for that matter. gravity is not a concern, and they truly and miraculously bloom where they are planted.
-cuttings from a succulent can grow more succulents. when they've been severed, if given the right conditions, they just grow again and produce more.

i want to be as supple and tough as these gorgeous natural wonders.


  1. What a fabulous idea! Such beauties...inside and and out. Just like you!

  2. hey! I thought giving things up for lent was a Catholic thing!I guess not :)
    anyways, I always give up some kind of food,(or many kind of foods!) but this year I added something constructive, physical activity everyday for 30 minutes, and reading everynight ...instead of blogs, movies and pinterest...same thing here.

  3. Charity,
    I just wanted to share an insight as to the "list" of husband traits. Our story is very personal and not your typical outcome but worth of sharing since not everything is as it appears. I raised my kids with your parent books. I loved them!
    My oldest daughter now 36 had that same type "husband list". She met "the husband" whom fit the list! Life was so beautiful or so it appeared. He came from a very incredible family. Raised in a loving home. Served a mission and was the package with everything on the list she had created in her young women days. They married in the SLC temple etc. It all looked so wonderful.
    Life is not always as it looks, as you well know. Much to our sheer devastation we found out that he was grooming our then youngest daughter who was 12 when he came into the family, showering her with brotherly love. When she turned 18 she was in a rehab facility because of drugs use and it was there she revealed the most shocking news of our lives. "the ideal husband" was engaging in molesting our youngest daughter from the age of 12 to 18. When she finally revealed the "secret",
    We were all so devastated and as a close family, we knew things would be different now. They live in the same town with our 3 grandkids as does our 3rd daughter with her 3 kids. We are all in the same ward. Her husband was very well like by all and has a personality of kindness and love for everyone. He was an outstanding Scout Master in the church. There was not a soul that did not think highly of him.
    How did this happen? He had some emotional needs from his childhood when his mother passed away from cancer when he was 14. How would we make it through this very difficult and life changing event? That was 6 years ago and yes, life has changed for our family. We did and we still work on it everyday. Six months ago we lost our only son, the baby at the age of 22 in a car accident. He was our youngest and was very close to his sister(the victim). He was her confidant and knew everything but carried it around like a bag of boulders slung over his shoulder. They were only 20 months apart he suffered immensely knowing what was going on but the fear and confusion simmered inside of him and he did not know how to even reveal this abuse. He was 10 when it started and so he was ill equipped to even understand the slow grooming process.
    Why am I sharing this story? Because we never know what is around the corner. We never know if the husband we choose, even if he does measure up to the most awesome list of expectations might have some internal issues that are not manifest at the time. Our family movies from the past cannot be viewed at this time when we see the inside happenings that were impossible to have detected within the family circle.
    I know this may sound like the "should have", "could have","would have", "why", "how"
    and everything in between are the natural thoughts when a trauma happens that catches you from out of the darkest places we didn't know existed.
    However, that being said...I guess you have to trust in the Lord and not have fears that what we thought we wanted and what happens may not correspond with life's reality, imperfections, and the yet unseen adversities that come with this journey.
    Be patient and wait upon the Lord. What you think may not be what really is. The boy may have done you a favor knowing inside he possessed some insecurities that could have played out in a marriage that may have not looked like you thought. Of course there are no absolutes or guarantees in
    life so we cannot control everything, that being said...being patient for the right thing is the right thing!
    Sincerely Pam

  4. If I were to guess the three things they would be:

    1) Loves the lord and faithfully serves in every way possible
    2) Patient with you and everyone around him
    3) Enjoys getting out

  5. I am sure you can guess I need to give up chocolate!! hehe! LOVE the succulents!! WOW, gorgeous!

  6. I love your thoughts on succulents! I learned a lot here. The photo is amazing and so are you!

  7. I once heard in a BYU devotional the one thing a person should look for in a future spouse is whether or not they happily pay a full tithe. The speaker then said, "If they are honest with the Lord, chances are they will be honest with you." I heard this just after a painful divorce from a man I married in the temple-- who was living a secret double life of betrayal and adultery. I thought about that quote and I realized in my situation, that was true. Yes, he went to church, he was in leadership positions, he was always complimentary towards me, but he did grumble about tithing...
    I say, put that one on the list. ;)

  8. This 'Husband Notebook' made me love you even more!

    Should I play?
    1)Brave Heart
    2)Good Heart
    3)Good Looks

    To whoever wrote Male, Alive and Mormon in the last comments:I laughed so hard at that- thank you!

  9. I've recently become very interested in succulents too! They're so uniquely beautiful and resilient. Perfect timing with the drought we're having in CA. The grass will die this summer but the succulents will thrive!

    Regarding all this husband stuff. I like your plan of focusing elsewhere, ditching the list, and continuing to embrace this "season" of your life. When you're at home cuddled up with hubby and kids, and going to the mall feels like a big outing, you'll be happy you did! I cannot believe how full my life is and how much I'm needed by my boys right now. I'm so glad I had those single, and early married, years to balance this part out. Your good life might not look like that of your older sisters, or your cultural expectations, but it remains your good life!

  10. Hey, me again- your favorite reader.

    My own top three are:
    1)As Masculine as they come
    2)Compassionate Heart
    3)Real Depth in his Thinking

    But I'm a selfish, horrible person and so actually want five things:
    4)Talented at his work
    5)Good Looks

  11. The anonymous above is me. Not sure how that happened.