1 October 2014

final single days

i have eight days left of being single...ever. i remember that beyonce song (you know which one i'm talking about) was the first song i truly danced to after i got home from my mission. i really enjoyed my twenty eight single years, i really did. but after eight more days, i won't be able to, in good conscious, put my hands up during that song! it's wild to think how close i am to my life changing forever.

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here's some tidbits from my final single days...it will never be the same again...

-i'm loving my (soon to be our!) new neighborhood in palo alto. i turn the corner driving home and see tree-canopied streets with stanford's hoover tower pointing at the perpetually blue sky. there's these two beautiful victorian homes on the corner near our street, and there's a park two houses down where we had a lovely picnic date the other day. runs at night under the moon and the trees are totally safe and totally lovely.
-a couple days ago, the boy and i bought a couch. we've been talking about this for a long time - a nice, pretty couch has been the example expense we've used in conversations about finances. we feel pretty great about using some of the cash gifts we've gotten (gosh people are so generous!) to get this navy tufted settee that i'm a little obsessed with. setting up our apartment has really been an adventure because the boy and i have very different tastes and preferences in interior design etc, but the pretty couch is something we are both excited about!
-i've been taking barre classes this month on some new-client special, and it's been really fun! like i've mentioned, i'm pretty determined to be in the best physical shape of my life at my wedding. i'm not sure i've totally peaked, but i'm feeling strong :) wedding dresses are good motivation... there's been no time to cook, but i love having dinner at home with the boy, so we've gotten pretty creative. (we also have verrrrrry different relationships with food, so that has been another adventure!)
-things at work have been busy, and especially because i'm finding it hard to focus with such a huge life event coming so soon! :) yesterday we had an official opening ceremony for our second middle school, which opened in august. it was pretty exciting and inspiring - the namesake of the school, a latino astronaut, gave a really fantastic speech to 170 completely star-struck middle schoolers. i love moments when i remember the importance and significance of the work i am involved in. i am really grateful for that.
-the boy comes over to my (soon to be our) place each evening for dinner and working on things together, and i haaaaate having to say goodbye when it's time for bed. he usually comes by in the mornings for breakfast, scriptures and a prayer as well. we are both so excited for when we can just both stay.
-my to-do list for wedding stuff is finally getting shorter (it seems like for the past three months it just kept getting longer!). the weather forecast looks good and even though there are some things that are still floating and i'm bracing myself for all kinds of catastrophes, my stressed:excited ratio is leaning the right direction for sure. it's just crazy to think that i'll never dream about my wedding again, because it will have happened. that's on the list in my brain of things that will pretty much forever be absent from my life after eight more days. along with stuff like falling asleep while watching some dumb show on my laptop in bed, going shopping with only my income/expenses at stake, and being pretty untidy with things around the apartment - so, obviously i've been just relishing doing those kinds of things a tiny bit the last few days :)

the boy asked me a while ago if there is anything else i want out of my singlehood - things i didn't get to do or experience before that phase of life is over. i thought about it, and said no. i feel like this transition is coming at just the right time for me to have the experiences and learning that i've needed. i'm ready.

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19 comments :

  1. What a great post - I'm 6 months married and 35. It's been so wonderful to be able to look back on my single days as such a beautiful season in life and look at the present day and completely relish what a delight it is to share every day as long as we both shall live. Enjoy and congrats! And I'm sure you have heard from others but the details I sweated over prior to the wedding are not what I remember from the wedding day/weekend but how my heart swelled with the great love made evident around me - that I will always cherish.

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  2. It's hard when you're in the moment to realize that THIS IS IT! All our prayers have been answered on your behalf and we are so grateful for you two wizards of wisdom and wonder!

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  3. OK, several things.

    One - I am really happy for you and hope everything turns out well.

    Two - why can't you fall asleep watching your laptop any more, and why do you have to change your neatness habits. Hopefully you will still be yourself after the big event and not let yourself be turned into someone you are not.

    Three - ever heard the saying "don't count your chickens until they hatch?" Meaning - your taste in food, taste in furniture, money habits, etc etc seem to be polar opposites. Not a bad thing, but may be a source of contention. Don't give in every time.

    Also, never say never - hopefully you won't be single again, but hey, he chickened out before.....

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  4. Hey Anonymous, did you get burned before? That doesn't mean she will.

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  5. Yes, other Anon - I have. And so has she. By this same person.

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  6. I'm so excited for you! Best of luck to you this next week! It will be wonderful and memorable!
    I think you are right on when you talk about the change in lifestyle. It is a wonderful change and you recognize that you are changing from "me" to "we." And with that change, we do give up some sense of self to become a better team. There is such beauty in that selfless attitude. Love truly is about putting another's needs before your own. And I know you know that! You guys will be an awesome couple!! CONGRATS!!!!! :)

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  7. dear readers,

    thank you for all the well wishes! i have been deeply touched by people i don't even know sending good vibes out for us.

    from here on out, i would love to respectfully request that you all refrain from expressing doubt in the boy's commitment in comments here or elsewhere. while i recognize that i chose to make parts of my life public on this blog, there are many things that you cannot judge and certainly my very careful, spiritual, personal decision to trust and marry the boy is among them. i find comments such as anon's above quite hurtful at this time.

    i am grateful for the opportunity to share on this blog and although i certainly appreciate expressions of difference of opinion and/or concern, i hope this can be a place of kindness.

    happy thursday!

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  8. Hi Charity,
    I love that you shared that you and Ian are opposites with taste in décor and your relationship to food. You know what I would like to hear? What 5 things your are opposites and what 5 things you are in the same mindset. I probably can guess but I think it would be educational to some of your readers so see what is really important. Surely people cannot think you should have everything the same! That would be impossible and no one would grow! Even siblings don't have that!
    We've been married for 40 years and of course we still have different taste in some area!
    That is o.k. too.

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  9. I'm alway so impressed with the thoughtful way you approach life. I never stopped to realize my single life was ending, or give it any introspection; I was way too focused and excited to get married! While it was wonderful and special, it was an adjustment- something else I didn't stop to think about in all the hoopla. I was 34 when I got married and we hadn't lived together beforehand.....I was very set in my single gal ways, what a transition it was! But you're ready and soooo excited and it will be a wonderful transition.....so many congratulations to you both!

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  10. Just wanted to throw a little support your way. I've loved this blog and read for a long time. I'm married to someone from a different culture, different religion, and we have different eating habits among many other differences. That's what makes life interesting and our marriage great. I think you're handling the comments really well. Keep on keepin' on and thanks for sharing.

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  11. My husband and I are sooooo different. It has taken some time to adjust, but our differences have indeed helped each others strengths. He makes up for what I lack and I likewise for him. It hasn't been rainbows and butterflies all of the time, but it has been so worth it. I am certain it will be for you as well. For the record, we did break up once before we got married. It was beyond hard. But, we got back together and I believe that through that experience we gained knowledge, trust and humility. In only worked to strengthen our marriage and commitment to each other. Best wishes next week, your wedding sounds dreamy and I couldn't be more happy for you and your Boy to be taking the leap of faith that seems to be lacking in our culture these days.

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  12. seriously charity, there are so many things you do so well. you are so good at taking life and living it fully - relishing each stage/emotion and embracing change. you are so good at standing up for yourself respectfully.

    you share so much with us and we should all be incredibly grateful for that gift. it can be easy as a reader to forget that i don't ACTUALLY know you, your family, or the boy. i get sad that you share so much and then people sometimes are hurtful. i hope some of those comments are coming from a good place, but maybe got lost in translation.

    i wish you and the boy all the best! it keeps life exciting to be different! marriage is a huge change - but change is a good thing! i sincerely believe that you will learn, grow, overcome hurdles, and make each other stronger!

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  13. how thrilling to be on the brink of such a spectacular life change. The most core values of your lives seem to really align (this is from only reading your blog) so things like food differences are great.. I'm sure you'll come up with all sorts of random concoctions .

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  14. Congratulations Charity! And good for you for realizing marriage is a real transition and differences need to be managed. It's not all sex, flowers, and walking hand in hand in your Sunday best down tree-lined Palo Alto streets. Sure there will be lots of that stuff and it will be GREAT! But there will also be miscommunication, much adjustment, and the sads.

    Im thinking The Boy deserves a break about the earlier break-up. the LDS church emphasizes that marriage is not just for life but it is for ALL ETERNITY! Of course that's gonna give a devout and earnest man like Ian some pause and maybe even cold feet. I'm hoping that the morman understanding of the "eternity part" is all love, devotion, and light without the mortal life stuff of marriage like farts under the sheets, bickering, and sinks full of dirty dishes.

    About the hurtful comment thing; I thinks its very naive to think you can bare your soul, including your dismal heartache, to a public audience and not get negative comments. You can shut down comments if you want but it's not realistic to dictate what people can or cannot comment about. That's not how the internet works. I'm guessing part of this transition will be for your and partner to decide what is appropriate to be shared here.

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  15. So happy for you and the boy!!! I know so many men that break up with "the one" prior to the engagement and I truly believe they get so scared by the feelings of true deep love. It's a guy thing, you are a great person and deserve all the happiness in the world. So so so many people are afraid to be vulnerable and miss out on true connections and supreme love in their life. And that, my friend, as you know, is all that matters!!

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  16. CONGRATULATIONS! I wish you and the boy an eternity of love and happiness. You negative peeps... of course they will have their disagreements. Of course they like/do different stuff. They are two unique individuals, as we all are. I do not know them but I believe they will work out their differences the best way they can to keep their marriage positive, loving, caring..... LOVE To you both!

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  17. You are really fun to read about. Thanks for being so real and honest and expressive. :)

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  18. Your blog is so much fun to read. I am always inspired as you remind me of all the joy and wonder there is to experience in the middle of (sometimes hard) life.

    Happy wishes to you and your new life. Just saying, but I am quite confident it is perfectly ok to break up (and break hearts) when you are dating...kind of the point right? Figuring out who you want to spend eternity is a big deal. I have no doubt the two of you will make a great committed couple and that you will change the world around you for the better. Happy Wedding! Thanks for being a bright light.

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