4 February 2015

uncertainty and certainty



today i feel like i simply cannot keep track of all the thoughts buzzing through my head and heart. i feel like i'm swimming in uncertainty about so many aspects of my life, and i just don't and can't know what the future holds. and in this pool of ambivalence, i've been reflecting on the gratitude i feel for the things that i am certain are certain in my life.

i am certain that the boy will always be by my side and that we are starting what will continue to blossom into a really beautiful life together. i am certain that i have friends and family that will support and love me truly no matter what. i am certain that i will be able to find beauty and joy in whatever highs and lows come. and probably most of all, i am certain that god knows me and has got my back.




my sister saydi shared this quote from the book heidi with me over the holidays. i love it.

heidi shouted for joy at the thought that grandmother would never need any more to eat hard black bread, and “oh, grandfather!” she said, “everything is happier now than it has ever been in our lives before!” and she sang and skipped along, holding her grandfather’s hand as light-hearted as a bird. but all at once she grew quiet and said, “if god had let me come at once, as i prayed, then everything would have been different, i should only have had a little bread to bring to grandmother, and i should not have been able to read, which is such a comfort to her; but
god has arranged it all so much better than i knew how to; 
everything has happened just as the other grandmother said it would. oh, how glad i am that god did not let me have at once all i prayed and wept for! and now i shall always pray to god as she told me, and always thank him, and when he does not do anything i ask for i shall think to myself, it’s just like it was in frankfurt: god, i am sure, is going to do something better still. so we will pray every day, won’t we, grandfather, and never forget him again, or else he may forget us.”

i truly believe that if i'm faithfully involving god in my life and decisions, he will direct me. perhaps he won't give me exactly what i ask for or think is good at any particular time, but he will arrange things so much better than i know how. as i look back on my life, i certainly know from experience that this is true, and i am grateful.

i felt like i needed some inspiration from beauty and creation today, so i checked in on my friend and incredible artist caitlin connolly's website to browse through her most recent work. {if you've explored this blog much at all, you'll know how much i adore cait's art} these ones resonated with me so acutely, and i wanted to share.

a woman who listens                                                                          leaning against something unknown                  

i am deciding to embrace the uncertainty with the glorious certainty.

16 comments :

  1. 'i am deciding to embrace the uncertainty with the glorious certainty.'

    borrowing your delicious quote as i lean against something unknown. thanks for the inspiration and honesty. in my prayers. x

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  2. Charity,sounds to me like you are talking about wanting to be pregnant. Maybe I am wrong, but as a woman can feel it through your words. Keep the faith it will happen! Give it time,some people take days, others months and others years. You will make sure to have lots of babies, probably all yours and Ian's and if not you will find a way to have that big and beautiful family. It is all meant to be for you as you will be an amazing Mother.
    I have always thought must be so much pressure to be an Eyre. Everyone seems so fertile with so many children, I hope for you that you don't struggle with fertility. I am praying for you but know your family will find its way to you in the end, but must be very hard with all the pressure to be patient.

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    1. She just got married less than 6 months ago?!?! That's quite presumptuous of you to assume that!

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    2. anon #1 - thanks for your nice comment. this post is not about fertility, but i appreciate your thoughts. i don't feel a lot of pressure from my family - i want to be a mother independent of anyone else, and i'm confident things will work together at the right time :)

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  3. Hello, Charity, You are such a darling girl. I referred my daughter to your blog recently. I believe you and she are the same age. She and her husband are moving to San Francisco next week. She just got her PhD in chemistry last month and is on to a post doc at UCSF. It was fun to read about your adventures in Europe. My daughter was also in Basal last summer (and surrounding areas) for three months as she had a fellowship at Novartis. Good luck on your next adventure. No matter where you end up, it is sure to be a fascinating adventure. I'm so happy for you and your husband. Good luck! I look forward to reading your blog. You are always so cheerful and hopeful.

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    1. thanks for the nice note! i'd love to talk to your daughter about basel! have her email me if she's up for it.

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  4. I have been reading your blog for years but have never commented. I just feel the need to offer some support after all the recent negative comments surrounding the character of your husband, your ability to finance your travels, and your apparent infertility. Thank you for enduring the negativity, and the critical comments from anonymous strangers so that the rest of us can continue to enjoy your blog. I don't know you but I enjoy hearing about your life and look forward to your posts. You are a source of inspiration to me to seek more joy and adventure in my life, and for that I also thank you. :)

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    1. thank you tracey!

      i'm not toooo phased by some of the comments that have been popping up. they can usually be quite amusing :)

      thanks again for your kind words!

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  5. Beautiful statement. It seems you've just found the perfect inner balance between being excited and being suspicious for what's there to come.
    In the end I think it is important that you figured out what (or who) is the one and most certain factor in your life. The rest will fall into place eventually :-)

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  6. i am facing some uncertainties in the near future. it's nice to know others are going through the same thing! the unknown can be scary and overwhelming when you are used to consistency. thanks for being open and giving some insight into how you are facing it - it is admirable! gonna try to take a little piece of how you are facing it and try not to be so scared all the time :)

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  7. Uncertainty for me in my sixties means I am alive and thriving. Uncertainty means I still need to live in the present moment with faith that it always works out. Certainty means I am dead and no longer need to be uncertain! I learned this even more effectively when my 22 year old son passed away because that was certain as was I was certain we will be together again. So for me in this season of life I kind of like uncertainty!

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  8. Gayle Black in Palo Alto 1st Ward just moved back from living in Basel with her family from about 2006/7 - 2009/10. Talk to her.

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  9. I came across this talk by Bruce C. Hafen this morning: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1979/08/on-dealing-with-uncertainty?lang=eng. I immediately thought of you and your post yesterday. If you have a chance to read it, I hope you enjoy it. I always seem to find comfort and inspiration in the words of our church leadership. Thank you for writing and sharing so honestly. All the best to you.

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  10. This post really spoke to my heart. I know that everything works out great when I hand everything over to God, but I'm finding that I need to be reminded of that several times a day. I'm not as good as you are in finding the joy and beauty in the highs and lows of life, but I am getting better at it. :-)

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  11. Oh Charity, your blog makes me so happy! You have such a beautiful way of writing and capturing life and the world. You find the smallest beautiful things and magnify them. You have such a great way of finding happiness and goodness. Although I am older than you, I want to be just like you when I grow up! :)

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