uncertainty and certainty

today i feel like i simply cannot keep track of all the thoughts buzzing through my head and heart. i feel like i'm swimming in uncertainty about so many aspects of my life, and i just don't and can't know what the future holds. and in this pool of ambivalence, i've been reflecting on the gratitude i feel for the things that i am certain are certain in my life.

i am certain that the boy will always be by my side and that we are starting what will continue to blossom into a really beautiful life together. i am certain that i have friends and family that will support and love me truly no matter what. i am certain that i will be able to find beauty and joy in whatever highs and lows come. and probably most of all, i am certain that god knows me and has got my back.




my sister saydi shared this quote from the book heidi with me over the holidays. i love it.

heidi shouted for joy at the thought that grandmother would never need any more to eat hard black bread, and “oh, grandfather!” she said, “everything is happier now than it has ever been in our lives before!” and she sang and skipped along, holding her grandfather’s hand as light-hearted as a bird. but all at once she grew quiet and said, “if god had let me come at once, as i prayed, then everything would have been different, i should only have had a little bread to bring to grandmother, and i should not have been able to read, which is such a comfort to her; but

god has arranged it all so much better than i knew how to; 

everything has happened just as the other grandmother said it would. oh, how glad i am that god did not let me have at once all i prayed and wept for! and now i shall always pray to god as she told me, and always thank him, and when he does not do anything i ask for i shall think to myself, it’s just like it was in frankfurt: god, i am sure, is going to do something better still. so we will pray every day, won’t we, grandfather, and never forget him again, or else he may forget us.”

i truly believe that if i'm faithfully involving god in my life and decisions, he will direct me. perhaps he won't give me exactly what i ask for or think is good at any particular time, but he will arrange things so much better than i know how. as i look back on my life, i certainly know from experience that this is true, and i am grateful.

i felt like i needed some inspiration from beauty and creation today, so i checked in on my friend and incredible artist caitlin connolly's website to browse through her most recent work. {if you've explored this blog much at all, you'll know how much i adore cait's art} these ones resonated with me so acutely, and i wanted to share.

a woman who listens                                                                          leaning against something unknown                  

i am deciding to embrace the uncertainty with the glorious certainty.