happy anniversary to us!
this day, exactly one year ago, was undoubtedly the best day of my life.
the three hundred and sixty four days that have followed have been way more joyful than i could have ever imagined, and they have also been way more difficult than i could have ever expected.
yes, the truth is that for us, the first year of marriage has been tremendously challenging. full of true love and real joy and fantastic adventure, but also tremendously challenging. we have experienced profound pain through tough transitions, repeated wrenching discoveries of wild dissimilarities, the bitter fruits of our weaknesses, and times of dramatic despair. marriage has stretched me so far beyond i’ve ever been stretched before. it has been sometimes downright awful.
yet, as i look back on our inaugural year, i am amazed by how definitively the good outshines the bad and by the fact that i somehow love the boy more than i ever have before. as cliché as it sounds, i really do believe that the hollowing out has provided more room for beauty, that the harsh wind has made us stronger and better together, that the stretching is actually miraculous refining towards things precious and enormously valuable.
over the course of this last week, in anticipation of our anniversary, i have been thinking about our perfect wedding day, trying to remember every detail. i’m sad that there are already a few things that i can’t recall – what i thought the second i woke up, the exact image of seeing ian for the first time in the temple, everything that our sealer said. but i do remember so, so acutely that on that day i felt sterling, perfect peace, exponentially more dense and potent than i have ever felt before and i doubt ever will feel again. there was not one teeny tiny part of me that was worried, or scared, or unsure, or hesitant. that peace surged through my every vein. i’ve forgotten about that crystal clear feeling at times during the last year, but i can’t deny that it is in my synapses and my fibers and my cells and i believe it always will be.
we have a really, really great love. it is deep and abiding and sweet and super tough. it has brought us powerful joy this year that i fiercely believe will saturate our lives more in each subsequent year of learning.
so here’s to surviving the first year – the grueling times and the blissful times – and many, many more to come with my ian. no matter what, i would and will always choose him. he’s my deepest love, my dearest friend, my favourite person, my very heart. he is becoming my soulmate.