dripping with passion

the last few and new few weeks mark the end of an era, the closing of a chapter of life. after nine glorious months (minus a couple when a few of us jetted off to the orient) living in the legendary "brown house," everyone is moving out and moving on. renee and kathryn are getting married, sara relocated to the district, dani is headed back to india, sabrina moved down the street, keri is looking forward to a new scene in slc, and i'm packing off to california. it's quite sad, really. moving on is heartwrenching, but i'm realizing that the reason it makes me super gloomy is because the past year in provo has been wonderful in so, so many ways, and it's hard to leave behind something so great. my living situation has been unexpected but wildly fantastic. my roommates have blessed my life immensely, and we've made so many memories in our crazy, old, quirky house. yes, indeed, this place has a lot of character. when sara, dani and i first moved in, i wondered...

i remember sometimes, in exquisite, bright flashes, the pure joy i felt as a missionary. i gave that work my heart and soul and each day the memories and blessings of the work give back spectacularly to my heart and soul. in the past few weeks i have been blessed to hear the homecoming addresses of my beloved companion, sister higbee, and another stellar missionary i served around, sister woodward. i love being with dear friends from the mission because we have a connection unlike anything else. look at these girls, aren't they beautiful and glowing with the goodness of life? i am blessed to know them and to have learned from them.

it was an epic soul-searching adventure... here are some images of magical moments along the merry way... enjoying the warm hippie atmosphere at the embarcadero farmer's market with my bffffff to the f on the glorious morning of her engagement. i woke up that morning with a delightful flock of butterflies in my stomach knowing that i knew something that she didn't, something really fantastic (the fact that this was the day she was going to get engaged!) lots of moments wandering around san fransisco by myself being smitten by the city and feeling a tugging at my heart. i loved exploring on my own coming around bends to behold interesting and gorgeous sights that took my breath away. a monday morning breakfast with my bestie at dottie's. it was worth the hour long wait. for reals. waiting up for jane to get home and squeeling on the couch over the proposal. this was probably the most sparkly moment of the trip. i mean, look at that ring! meeting up with my dear, dear friend ...

i am sitting in a sugarhouse coffee shop listening to live bluegrass music, having just finished off my mint steamer and it is raining outside. i feel like a hipster but conscious of my identity as not quite one. it's cool here, it feels good to be back in utah, i really like salt lake, i am travel-worn and weary, but determined as ever to be great. my jaunt from coast to coast was enlightening and grueling in some ways. the last few months i have accidentally but both consciously and subconsciously become quite insecure and i feel like all my weaknesses came to a forefront on this trip. i learned a lot about myself and others and life and tried to soak it all in and appreciate the growth that seemed to come at such inopportune timing. but cest la vie, and you know what? i love la vie. the winner in the city-to-be-charity's-future-home contest has to be gorgeous san fran. my heart is tugging me there, so i'm going to go. run, leap, and live. mid-july. start a new life. bein...

...usually that dream takes place here: i am in san fran feeling things out. this city is magic; i felt it in my bones from the minute i stepped outside the airport. but i'm still deciding if it is the place for me. in the next 10 days i will also visit d.c. and new york with a prayer in my heart to know if i belong there, instead? we shall see... the city girl in me is smiling, and i love seeing how different people live their lives. i feel this spine-chilling thrill at the prospect of taking a leap of faith into the unknown and starting a new life for myself.