wedding q&a

a couple years ago i had an engaged roommate who came home most days and complained about wedding planning. it was a time in my life when i was aching, carrying around a throbbing hope for what she had, and her whininess really bothered me. i vowed that when i was in her place, i would relish it and never complain.

now, i get it. wedding planning is super stressful! especially i think when you are like me - full of preferences and opinions and a fiery desire to find a way to have the best of everything possible. there's a lot of choices and a lot of comparison and a lot of troubles and a lot of tradeoffs. it's just real for me to say that it has been hard for me! BUT i've remembered my vow to myself stemming from my whiney roommate and my earnest longing, and i have been so careful to not complain. because there is such a deep, rich brand of gratitude and joy running through all my veins and synapses, even when they seem clogged with decisions and preferences. i am so so happy - sometimes just downright deliriously so - that my fondest hopes and desires are coming to fruition in so many beautiful ways.

i've had several questions about my upcoming wedding, and i'd love to respond - to answer queries and to have a further record of this wild and awesome wedding-planning experience.

are your parents expecting you to pay for a portion of the wedding? do your parents provide you and your now married elder sisters with the same dollar amount for the wedding budget?

my parents are very excited about their baby daughter getting married, and have been so generous in helping us to pay for our celebrations. the boy's parents are throwing an open house in texas a week after our wedding, and have also contributed to our wedding fund. the two of us are pulling some from our own savings as well. after thought, prayer and loving conversation, we all feel really good about contributing financially in different ways. the boy and i are extremely grateful for our parents and their desire to help us celebrate. although of course we have thoughtfully considered together what has been given to our siblings for their weddings, neither set of parents is particularly concerned with the concept of exact dollar-for-dollar fairness (not to say we are getting more or less), and our siblings are just thrilled for us. almost every day the boy and i just sit back and marvel together at how blessed we feel for our families and their support at this exciting time.

while we are having several celebrations and are so glad that we get to invite so many people that we love and appreciate, i wouldn't necessarily call our wedding overly extravagant. it's going to be really pretty and super fun, and (i'm not sure how to say this emphatically enough so this sentiment doesn't come across wrong) we are sooooo thrilled and grateful and humbled by and excited about all the elements that will be part of our celebrations -- but we have made quite a few tradeoffs and certainly have had to budget very carefully throughout the wedding process. a friend's gift to us was taking our engagement pictures, my cousin is doing the flowers (at cost, bless her), one of my bridesmaids is making the cake, we are having our reception at my parents' house (free!), my brother is our dj, our friend is giving us a killer deal on the boy's suit, our videographer has made only about two other wedding videos thus far in her career, and i'm making a lot of the decor myself. this may come as a shock (ha!) but i've been scheming up my perfect wedding in my brain for a couple decades, and as the prices have been rolling in, it has been quite wrenching to give up on some things i've dreamed of. but i honest to goodness appreciate that experience, and i really believe it will make my wedding sweeter than if i didn't have to make any sacrifices. it has been really good for the boy and i to prioritize what we want connected to our wedding, and we just feel really thankful for all the bonuses beyond the real important stuff (the temple, our families, and an opportunity to thank all those who have impacted our lives and helped us get to where we are). 

i noticed that you are having your reception at your parents house...so my question is...is that an lds tradition? or a west coast thing?

my parents just happen to have a really awesome space for this type of event. two of my brothers have had wedding receptions there, and it's just a really fantastic house, which was built partially for the purpose of gathering loved ones for celebrations. i was actually pretty hesitant to have our reception there for a few reasons, but i am so excited about it now. it will be so neat to remember our wedding every time we are at my parents' from here on out. i've heard of other couples - lds and not, east and west coast - having their wedding receptions at their parents' or relatives' or friends' homes that can accommodate a crowd, so i'm not sure if it's a particular religious or geographic tradition.

but i've had some other questions about lds wedding traditions/customs and i'm happy to explain.

i have never felt closer to heaven that when i've attended a wedding ceremony in an lds temple. seriously, it is the most beautiful experience i've ever had in mortality - to witness two people commit their total devotion and faith to each other and to god, surrounded by a small number of those they love best in the world. it's just celestial. we believe that when a couple is married in god's temple, they are sealed not just until death do they part, but for time and all eternity, and that they are making real promises to each other and to god. the blessings that are pronounced upon a couple by an authorized sealer in a temple are incredible and beautiful and amazing.

most temple sealing rooms can accommodate less than fifty or so guests, so wedding ceremonies in temples are very intimate. the event is usually fairly short. an individual who has been called and set apart as a sealer shares some thoughts, then asks the couple to come to an altar where they kneel to face each other. the sealer then recites a specific ordinance, which only take a couple of minutes. the bride and groom usually then kiss across the altar, stand to exchange rings, and have an opportunity to greet and hug each sealing attendee as they leave the room. it's all just so simple and sweet, yet powerful and so intensely beautiful (sorry i keep using that word, it just is). because of the sacred nature of the words said and ordinance performed, only those who are in good standing with the church can enter the temple for a temple sealing. other beloved friends and family are welcome to greet the bride and groom outside the temple, and it is customary to spend an hour or so taking pictures and celebrating all together around the temple grounds.

most lds couples have some kind of wedding reception in connection with their temple sealing. it is most common to have a reception the evening after the sealing, but i've had friends that had a reception the night before, or just a luncheon the day of, or some other kind of celebration. the boy and i have decided to have an intimate dinner the evening of our sealing, and then a large reception the next day. this decision was borne out of a desire to have our wedding day itself be quite calm and sweet and special, but still have the opportunity to party with lots of people we really like. we won't have any wedding party, wedding cake, or other "traditional" wedding things on the day of our sealing - we just want it to be tender, simple, peaceful and focused on the temple. all that good, colorful, bustling, lively fun will come the next day!

not sure why you only gave yourself a few months to plan a huge wedding....

well, i want to get married in utah, and i don't want to get married when it's cold. so we basically chose the day furthest out for planning yet closest in for weather. i'm very excited to have an autumn (my favourite season, especially in utah!) wedding. our date was also chosen with both the boy's and my professional lives and our families schedules in mind. we are really in love with each other, and after all the roller coaster of the last couple years of our relationship, we both feel highly compelled to make covenants with each other and with god as soon as possible. also, we are both very committed to not living or sleeping together before we are married, so...we are excited to begin that chapter of life soon :)

random question, have you found your vendor for macarons yet?

so funny - i saw this comment right as i got an email from amy of seine macarons, who i was so excited to find to make us some lovely treats for our reception. i'm glad to hear she comes highly recommended, because we'd already committed to hiring her! the macarons is one of the details i am most excited about at our wedding reception. i'm also excited that we are going to have some fun kids' activities, an instant picture of all our guests, both indoor and outdoor loveliness, and a dance party!


just three weeks left! some nights these days i just can't sleep. i'd say over the past three weeks it's about a 3:1 ratio for sleepless because of stress and sleepless because of excitement. i'm projecting that during the next three weeks the ratio will be flipped :)

every few days i send the boy a text that looks like this:
we're getting married! alksdjlkanvlnalskjrlkaselvnaslnaljsnvlkajslrjaslknvlakshoiasuraslkcjalsdjflkajsfahhhhhhHHh!
i'm really happy and excited about it!